- Are you prepared to go bonkers for conkers?
No matter the sport, having proper equipment is crucial if you want to compete seriously. Even for something as simple as running, proper sneakers can make a world of difference.
It’s the same story with conkers.
In fact, having the best equipment is pretty much the whole point of this British nut-cracking game. The players bang horse chestnuts together until the loser cracks.
Conkers is a time-honored British tradition, so of course there are world championship games for it.
Come on, what don’t people compete in?
However, just before the 2023 Conker World Championships, the U.K. woke up to a crisis. This year’s nuts were too low-quality for the game.
A good conkers match depends on strong, hard nuts. But this year’s warm and wet summer resulted in a bounty of small and mushy chestnuts that weren’t fit for the game.
As a result, the Ashton Conker Club, which organizes the championships, considered using various methods to harden the available nuts. The suggestion, however, caused outrage among competitors and conkers fans, who consider any such tricks cheating.
In the end, it seems the Conker Club managed to gather enough suitable nuts. The championship games took place on October 8, with many a hard nut to crack.
What, What’s Conkers?
But what is conkers? Unless you’re from Britain, you may not be aware of this traditional schoolyard game.
Conkers is an old game, first mentioned in the early 19th century but possibly dating earlier than that. It’s also known by many other names, such as cheesers, cheggers, and cobblers.
To prepare a game of conkers, the players find the biggest, hardest horse chestnut they can. They will then bore a hole through the middle of the nut with a nail, awl, drill, or any other suitable implement.
Considering how hard a good conker (as the nuts are called) should be, that’s not always an easy task.
Then, the player threads a string through a hole and ties it in place. The conker is now ready for play.
During the game, one of the players will dangle their nut by the string while their opponent strikes it with theirs. They then alternate the turns until one of the nuts cracks and breaks, losing the match.
Today, the game is generally banned in British schools out of concern that kids might hurt themselves during play. Back in the day, though, the owners of unbeatably sturdy conkers enjoyed legendary reputations in their neighborhoods.
‘Biggest Crisis in Our History’
Although conkers has disappeared from schools, the World Conker Championships have upheld its proud tradition since 1965. This year, however, the contest ran into difficulties.
Like in much of the world, this past summer has been unusually hot and wet in the U.K. The adverse weather conditions have hindered chestnuts’ growth and knocked some down from the trees prematurely.
The resulting nuts have been soft, squishy, and utterly unsuitable for an intense bout of conkers. That’s an issue for the world championships, where the organizer provides the competitor’s conkers to prevent any foul play.
“This is the biggest crisis in our history. The conkers are just too soft and mushy,” World Conker Championships spokesperson John Burkett told Timeout.
“They would just fall apart when hit. … We live in hope that everything will be okay this year.”
Due to the subpar quality of the nuts, the Ashton Conker Club entertained ideas of hardening the nuts artificially. Some methods traditionally used for that include baking them in an oven, soaking them in vinegar, or coating them with nail polish or enamel paint.
That suggestion, however, caused an outcry in the conkers community. Such tricks are traditionally seen as cheating and players and fans found using them in the world championships to run against the spirit of the game.
Additionally, many thought the Ashton Conker Club just hadn’t looked hard enough for suitable nuts.
“We do not hold with the idea that there is a conker crisis. I just checked my stash … and conkers are emphatically NOT softer this year,” Yanny Mac, the organizer of the Waveney Valley Conkers Tournament, told Wall Street Journal.
Let the Games Begin!
Ultimately, it seems Ashton Conker Club was able to find the nuts it needed to let the games begin. As is tradition, the World Conker Championships took place on the second Sunday of October, which this year fell on October 8.
With thousands of people watching, expert conkermeisters (as the players are called) battled it out, whacking their nuts with gusto. In the end, two winners emerged — Jasmine Tetley won the women’s championship title, while Mark Hunter prevailed in the men’s series.
After winning their personal titles, Tetley and Hunter went head-to-head (or nut-to-nut). In this final showdown, Tetley emerged as the ultimate winner.
This was the third time Tetley had won the title, as she also emerged victorious in 2019 and 2021. Yet, she was no less excited this time around.
“There was a lot of pressure at the end, to make that last shot. I’m really ecstatic,” said the happy Tetley, proudly sporting the Conker Queen’s crown.