Have you ever read the Haribo Gummy Bear reviews? People have some strong opinions about this sugarless snack or should I say strong reactions? You tell me.
“Be sure to buy Oxyclean too!”
“Be sure to also buy a tub of Oxyclean with this to get the blood and diarrhea stains out of your underwear, clothes, furniture, pets, loved ones, ceiling fans.”
Out the gate, is this one of the best of the Haribo Gummy Bear Reviews.
This review titled: “Fully weaponized Gummy Bears”
“The cramping started about an hour later, and soon enough I was as bloated as a balloon in Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. When the rumbling started I sprinted down the hallway and made it to the bathroom just in time for the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse to stampede from my backside, laying waste to my home’s septic system AND my will to live. After three hours of a pelvis-shaking Gummy Bear assault, I was spongy and weak, surprised that I had any bones left. I cursed Haribo with the little strength I could muster.”
What a title line for this review: “AWESOME and EXPLOSIVE!!”
“The explosive gas let loose and to an explosive shart!!! 1 mile from home on my walk and it was a long 1 mile back and I had a mess!! Fortunately for compression shorts it didn’t run down my legs!! Now I had to hold the gas for fear of blowing my entire intestines out into my shorts!! I made it home and what happened then was like something out of Dante’s Inferno!!! My butt became an upside down volcano!! Best to stock up on toilet paper and toilet bowl cleaner as you will totally spray the bowl and back of the seat!! I would no sooner get done and have to go again. When you get the urge to “go” you best be in proximity of toilet!!! I spent hours on the toilet.”
“Just don’t. Unless it’s a gift for someone you hate.”
“What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM.”
This review titled: “You dont understand.”
“I was glued to the toilet seat. Streams of fire burst from my colon. When i wasn’t experiencing Satans fury exploding from my rear, i was laying in the fetal position on my bathroom floor, sobbing and asking for forgiveness. Im a 280 pound man. I. Was. Sobbing.
When it was finally over, i couldnt move. I crawled onto the floor one last time and sat, motionless, until my dehydration finally required that i drink water. The other reviews are perfectly accurate. This is absolutely, 100% true.
That was quite the review when it comes to these Haribo Gummy Bear reviews.
Eat two at a time. Three if you’re brave. But for the love of God and all things on this earth, DO NOT EAT ANY MORE.”
There’s this review: “Excellent taste, in small portions.”
“During one of the last of the 8 trips to the bathroom, I released such a large volume of gas that my external anal sphincter could not do it’s job, and remained open/relaxed, while about 4.5-5 seconds of gas was expelled. I’ve never experienced, or even heard of that happening. It was so unnatural, that I had to check to feel if my colon had somehow passed through the anal sphincter muscle.”
Yup – Believe the hype!”
“I saw the product reviews and told some coworkers, so we bought a bag (because who doesn’t want to spend the workday on the toilet AND get paid, right??). Brought them in yesterday morning and a bunch of the guys immediately downed a handful each. Within half an hour they were in the bathroom. Best moment of the day was when one of them (who had been in the bathroom for half an hour by that point) texted one of the others. ‘If you think it’s a fart….it’s NOT.’ hahhaaaaaa”
And this one: “Gastrointestinal Armageddon”
“After a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a fart. That might sound funny, but when you’ve eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you’re pleading for relief.”
What a review: “It’s. All. True.”
“OMG. Everything previously written is true. It’s all true. Don’t eat more than 15 in a sitting unless you are trying to power wash your intestines.”
What do you think of these Haribo Gummy Bear Reviews? For more, follow the link to read These Sugarless Haribo Gummy Bear Reviews Are Too Much: Part Two.