- The laws of the free market say that when there’s demand, there’s supply, but this is ridiculous
Getting passionately attached to strange things is surprisingly common. People form emotional ties to anything from bands to sports teams, certain makes of car to a brand of beer.
One of the things that some folks get gung-ho over, despite its fairly objectively awful nature, is Taco Bell. Even some of this author’s best friends would, while not necessarily die, then at least get seriously wounded on the Taco Bell hill.
To anyone looking for their torches and pitchforks right now, I’m sorry, but Taco Bell is just a million miles away from actually good food. Though I will admit, that if you’re stumbling home drunk from a party and the hunger pangs hit you, Taco Bell’s products that you could call “burritos” if you squint and apply a generous dose of imagination may have their place.
Still, no matter what I or anyone else says, Taco Bell has its fans. And to you Taco Heads, I extend all my sympathy for the loss you’ve experienced this year.
As if 2020 wasn’t awful enough already, anyone who actually likes Taco Bell was surely shocked when the fast food chain axed a good portion of its menu this fall.
Gone were many of the most popular grotesque imitations of Mexican cuisine. Naturally, fans of Taco Bell didn’t take the change kindly.
“Taco Bell has removed their entire menu and replaced it with kicking you in the **** and putting a DUI checkpoint in their drive-thru lane,” tweeted username @synthandlasers.
Turning Loss into Profit
But where others saw only problems and a terrible loss, some saw an opportunity. Bryant Hoban, a resident of O’Fallon, Missouri, didn’t sit idly by when he heard that Taco Bell was discontinuing its Potato Soft Taco.
Instead, he hopped into his car and zoomed to the nearest Taco Bell. There, he purchased three of the potato tacos.
Once he returned home, however, he didn’t consume the products. Instead, he placed them in his freezer.
You see, Hoban had a vision. A strange vision, but a vision nonetheless. In his vision, he saw himself rolling in money after selling the tacos at an astronomically higher price once they had left the market.
True to his plan, Hoban has now listed the tacos for sale on the Facebook Marketplace. For the affordable price of $200, you can enjoy three mint condition Taco Bell Potato Soft Tacos.
“From drive through to freezer. These babies are rare! Never been eaten!” Hoban says on the posting.
You’d think this kind of a hackneyed idea would fail hilariously. Wrong, says Hoban. In an interview with Riverfront Times, he said that he has already individually sold two of the three tacos.
He apparently couldn’t find a buyer for the full collection.
“I sold them for $70 apiece. I recouped my investment,” he told Riverfront Times.
The Future Freezer King
But Hoban’s vision goes far beyond simply selling frozen Taco Bell products. No, this is only a trial. In his future, Hoban pictures an entire frozen, discontinued fast food empire.
“I’ve had this idea of ‘investment sandwiches’ where, like, you’d buy a limited-offer sandwich in bulk, freeze it, and then sell it later for a profit,” he explained his vision.
“You know, like the McRib — McDonald’s only offers it once a year, but the demand doesn’t go away. So then when I heard Taco Bell was discontinuing the Potato Soft, I decided it’d be a good opportunity to test this idea out before McRib season.”
Ridiculous as it sounds, Hoban has already proven that people will buy the frozen fast food. He only has one taco left in his freezer, but the frozen treat is giving him cold feet about selling it.
The Soft Potato Taco was, after all, Hoban’s favorite Taco Bell product. When he bought his trial tacos, he also purchased a bunch that he has frozen and later eaten himself.
And now they’re gone. All that remains is that solitary third taco.
“Once I got down to the last one I realized that we need to preserve this for future generations to experience this delicious being,” he said.
“So I’m holding onto it right now, and I’m hoping someone comes along and wants to maybe help me with preserving this – conserving the Potato Soft. I mean, if you had the last panda, you wouldn’t sell that on Facebook, right?”
His logic might be sound, but… Come on, it’s a Taco Bell taco. Some things are just doomed to extinction.
Taco Bell Death Row
What gave birth to Hoban’s frozen taco idea was Taco Bell’s decision to cut its menu. In a July statement, the fast food chain announced that it would drop several of the products it offered.
“Beginning August 13, we will be simplifying our menu. This evolved menu approach comes after months of analyzing the new way we are running our restaurants,” the company said.
“While change is hard, a simplified menu and innovation process will leave room for new fan favorites, continued progress in categories such as plant-based diets, and even opportunities for the return of some classics on a limited time basis.”
All Taco Bell enthusiasts could do was read the list of doomed products in horror. To an early grave went, together with the Potato Soft, the Grilled Steak Soft Taco, the 7-Layer Burrito, the Spicy Tostada, and Triple Layer Nachos.
But the bad news, didn’t stop there. In September, the company announced a second list of products that would not get to live más.
This time, the executioner’s block welcomed such popular names as the Mexican Pizza and Pico de Gallo. However, at the same time, Taco Bell announced its new Chicken Chipotle Melt and the Dragonfruit Freeze beverage.
Will passionate Tacobellists accept these newcomers? Can they fill the enormous boots of those that came before them?
Only time will tell.