Huge Butt Plug Sparks Grenade Scare in Germany

  • It might not have been explosive, but the toy still probably devastated something at one point.

You can never be too careful, especially when you believe you’ve uncovered an explosive device. But this story goes to show that looks can be deceiving.

On April 26, a woman was jogging in the woods in southeastern Germany, near the town of Sonnen. Suddenly, she noticed something strange that stopped her dead in her tracks.

On the ground by the path was an old plastic bag. Inside it was something that looked exactly like a hand grenade.

Concerned for the safety of herself and others, the woman didn’t waste time. She pulled out her mobile phone and called the emergency number.

Her phone call sparked a full-blown bomb defusal operation. The bomb squad from the Bavarian police department rushed to the scene as quickly as they could, reported Passauer Neue Presse.

The bomb defusal experts cleared the area – supposedly, we’re not quite sure if there was anyone to clear out. Then, they approached the grenade and began working on defusing it.

CAUTION: Do not insert in the butt.

Butt-splosion Imminent

Except, there wasn’t much to defuse. Instead of carrying out a controlled detonation, we assume the bomb squad returned with a hearty chuckle.

When examining the supposed the grenade, the explosive experts discovered that it wasn’t a grenade at all. Instead, it was a sex toy – a roughly grenade-shaped butt plug of a respectable girth.

The other contents of the plastic bag made the nature of the rubber implement much clearer. According to the police, the bag also held an empty tube of lube, two used condoms, and a USB cable.

But the officers wanted to be absolutely certain that the object was meant to go up a person’s keister. So, they did a Google search for grenade-shaped butt plugs.

And true enough, they found exactly what they were looking for.

“The search on the internet confirmed the suspicion. There actually are sex toys in the shape of hand grenades, and that was the kind of thing we were dealing with here,” the police said in a press release.

The thing was a butt plug – case closed.

“How these items got there and why they were left there can only be surmised,” the police said.

However, based on the advanced state of decomposition the plastic bag was in, the officers made an educated guess that the butt plug had been abandoned a long time ago. Despite butt plugs not being exactly their area of expertise, the bomb squad did dispose of the toy properly.

It’s good to know that there are responsible cops still out there.

A Huge Surprise

This isn’t the first time a strange object has caused a bomb scare in Germany. A similar case played out in 2017, although this time the culprit wasn’t a sex toy.

An 81-year-old German man contacted the police one morning in November of that year. The distraught man reported that he’d found what he assumed to be an old artillery shell in his yard.

Again, the bomb squad responded appropriately and arrived in a hurry. What they found wasn’t a bomb, but a zucchini.

In the old man’s defense, the police admitted that the offending vegetable did indeed look like a bomb. That was not only due to its dark coloring resembling rusted metal, but also its enormous size.

The monstrous zucchini was nearly 16 inches long and weighed approximately 11 pounds. In other words, it was about the size of a WW2-era artillery shell.

Officers speculated that somebody had thrown the vegetable to the old man’s yard over his hedge fence. We can’t help but ask why in the world somebody would toss such a magnificent vegetable.

That said, we’re glad they didn’t find any lube and condoms with this thing.

An Overabundance of Caution

All jokes aside, it’s no wonder Germans are a bit jumpy when it comes to things looking like old explosives. In case you were asleep during history class, the country has seen a bit of military activity over the past 110 years.

To this day, people throughout Germany keep regularly discovering old, unexploded ordnance from both World Wars. Despite the long years of lying forgotten underground or in someone’s basement, the bombs can still be very much active and dangerous.

A case in point, just in January police evacuated more than 8,000 people in the central German town of Göttingen. Construction workers digging foundations for a new building discovered four 1,000-pound bombs dropped from an American airplane during WW2.

Each of the bombs was still perfectly capable of exploding. The police demonstrated this when they disposed of the bombs by detonating them.

The bombs were so powerful that every resident within a 1,000-yard radius around the site was evacuated. And for good reason – despite all the safety measures, the explosion knocked in the windows of several buildings.

So, what have we learned from all this? Dispose of your sex toys and giant vegetables appropriately so you don’t waste bomb squads’ precious time.