Donald Trump took office. The Houston Astros won the World Series. The wrong Best Picture winner was announced at the Oscars. Man, 2017 was weird. But those are merely the biggest headline-grabbing stories that everyone was talking about over the last 12 months.
If you dig deeper, you’ll discover that the year that was was really the year that was “whaaaat?” That’s because some totally off-the-wall things took place that will make your shake head. You may have failed to catch these totally absurd stories, but you’ll be glad to get acquainted with them before we turn the calendar.
Odd was well represented in 2017 and we’ve done the dirty work for you to find the creme de la creme of the most offbeat, most outlandish, most WTF stories that unfolded this year. So, don’t beat yourself up for missing them. Actually, you should beat yourself up — that’s a pretty good way to get yourself on this list next year.
Dollar and No Sense
This crime may not have have led to a massive police manhunt, but it is eyebrow-raising for its sheer simplicity and lack of ambition.
Two thieves in Brockton, Mass., armed with hunting knives demanded one dollar when they held up a convenience store. The 100-penny richer bandits made a swift getaway and authorities couldn’t find them. The Fugitive they are not, so we’re pretty sure an APB was not placed, the FBI was not summoned and wanted posters were not printed.
And considering they only got 50 cents apiece, we’d have to think they’re mulling over going solo in order to increase their take or debating becoming a little more ambitious. Call us crazy, but we say they should dream big and plan a heist where they can retire with a whopping five bucks.
Ouch. Just…Ouch
This guy wanted to take pleasure in other people’s pain.
A 60-year-old man in Singapore with a warped sense of humor named Lim Lye Seng was busted for placing toothpicks on bus seats so people would sit on them. He placed three toothpicks apiece on the seats in the hopes of, well, we’re not sure why he was so gung ho about piercing people’s tushies. Even the though of sitting down on them makes our butts uncomfortable.
While we don’t know if anyone fell for the prank, we do know Lim tried it on four separate occasions. The bus company also had to pony up $1,000 to replace the seats he ruined.
Hopefully he’ll be banned from buses and be sentenced to get around via skateboard, so he can travel like a 13-year-old, which is just how he acts.
Drinking and Mourning
Rest in peace has met drink in peace. A funeral home in Burlington, Wisc. was thinking out of the pine box when it came up with an unusual idea to drum up business: it got a liquor license with the intention of serving alcohol to mourners.
Integrity Funeral Services co-owner Cindi Schweitzer has her eyes on being at the forefront of a new trend, saying, “I really feel like funerals are changing…And I think people have just focused now on ‘Hey, let’s celebrate life. This doesn’t have to be a sad drawn-out situation. Let’s celebrate that person.’” Yup, there’s nothing like getting sauced during a eulogy, right? Maybe do a keg stand while receiving mourners? The possibilities are as endless as the memories of the deceased being shared.
IFS also wants to use its facilities to hold parties, making it most versatile funeral home in the greater Milwaukee metropolitan area. Good luck.
Handsome Like Daddy, But Not Really
Like father, definitely not like son.
The parents of a 28-year-old Chinese man learned the devastating news that he was not their child after they became concerned because he was too good-looking.
A DNA test concluded the man was not theirs and they had been given the wrong baby at the hospital after the wife gave birth in 1989. That’s a big ol’ whoops if ever there was one.
And while the whole incident sounds like the premise for some terrible comedy starring Rob Schneider, it had some serious consequences. The parents wound up getting a divorce back in 2004 because the husband thought the wife had fooled around on him after seeing how handsome the son was.
The wife is suing the hospital for $200,000 and demanding administrators reunite her with the real child. As fas as the devilishly gorgeous impostor son, well, we’re going to assume he’s got a heck of a lot of allowance to pay back.
Sex With a Donkey
Here’s a rule that time will never change: sex with animals is always creepy. Always. This one is no exception. Everett Compton, 49, boinked a donkey and is front and center in this story (although, based on what happened, rear and center may be more appropriate).
Cops in Siloam Springs, Ark. — yeah, this tale will not enhance Arkansas’ reputation as a backwater hick paradise — arrested Compton for doing the wild thing with a donkey that belongs to another family.
How’d he get busted? He was caught on surveillance camera. For his part, he claimed he had smoked a lot of pot, which caused him to do “sick things.” And here you were thinking eating an entire bag of Cheetos was the worst thing you could do while high.
This Probably Won’t Help Fight Tartar
He’s dung with her. Police in Ansonia, Conn. arrested 48-year-old Leslie Lang after she placed excrement on her estranged husband’s toothbrush.
Her hubby contacted police to say she had gotten her hands on some of his property, which was a big no-no, considering he had already obtained an order of protection against her due to an arrest connected to a domestic violence incident.
Cops investigating the matter discovered that Lang had indeed placed her own fecal matter on his toothbrush. We don’t know if he ever used the toothbrush, which went onto become the most vile piece of evidence in the history of criminal justice.
In terms of ticked-off spouses, we give this lady a slight edge over the woman who poisoned her hubby to get out of having sex, although neither one is anyone we’d recommend shacking up with anytime soon.
Ur Divorced. K?
And while we’re on the subject of marriages gone down the tubes, let’s stop in Taiwan where a judge granted a woman a divorce because her husband never resounded to her text messages. That’ll teach you to ghost someone you’re in a relationship with.
Lest you think the hubby was just at the game with his buddies and hadn’t gotten back to her in an hour or two, keep this in mind: he went six months without answering. That’s, like, an entire season of “This is Us.” He didn’t give a “k.” Or a “sure.” Heck, not even one of the zillion emojis that exist out there. Nothing.
The wife has an app which tracks that the texts had been read, but she never got a response, not even when she contacted him to say she was going to the hospital because she was in a car crash.
A judge ruled the marriage couldn’t be saved and gave the green light for the divorce. The couple had been married in 2012 and endured some financial problems. We’re guessing foremost among them was her fury that they were paying for a cellular plan, but he never used the text feature.
Miss Nuclear Power Plan 2017
If you think the Czech Republic is the type of backwards-thinking nation that would hold a bikini contest to award an internship at a nuclear power plant, then you’re right. Your thinking is extremely specific and odd, but, yes, you’re right.
The Temelin plant had posted photos of the female hopefuls on its Facebook page and asked people to vote on their preference, with the girl getting the most votes landing the coveted gig.
Ten young ladies were in the running, but word leaked like Chernobyl and Temelin backed off, choosing instead to offer internships to all the competitors.
“You Broke Your Neck How?”
You know that line about laughing ’til it hurts? This woman sure does.
Australian Monique Jeffrey broke her neck while laughing at a co-worker’s joke. That must’ve been some punchline.
This is plenty weird, but it’s even more bonkers because Jeffrey suffered a broken neck in 2011 after she sneezed.
It’s not clear why her neck is so susceptible to such catastrophe while doing routine movements, but we wish her the best in her quest to never move her upper body ever again. It’s just safer that way.
Jeffrey is being quite the trooper about the whole thing. “It’s not terminal, I’m going to be fine, but it does suck a bit,” she said. “You just have to laugh about it.” Just not too hard.
Winning Big
While most of the stories that have made our list are of the gross and cringing variety, this one is actually a feel-good tale.
Kimberly Morris, of Wake Forest, N.C., has the honor of winning the lottery twice…in the same day.
Morris first scored a $10,000 scratch-off and claimed the prize at lottery headquarters. On her way home, she bought another ticket and won a million bucks before turning around and claiming that windfall at lottery headquarters.
Why’d she insist on playing again? “I just enjoy playing the lottery,” she said. Well, that’s putting it mildly. Why she didn’t play again is a mystery because, you know, there’s that whole “third time’s a charm thing.”