- People, don’t call 911 if you have a cough.
You’re only supposed to call 911 (or whatever your local emergency number is) when you’re having an emergency. The problem is that the definition of “emergency” is very, very subjective.
We all know the kind of grandpa who insists he’ll walk it off after losing three limbs. On the other end of the spectrum, we have the person who calls the emergency number because they lost their dentures.
No, we’re not kidding. It’s on the list of stupid emergency call transcripts the Welsh Ambulance Service (WAS) just published.
According to statistics from WAS, the British 999 emergency number took 188 pointless calls per day in 2023. Each of those calls potentially delayed help getting to someone in an actual emergency.
“Inappropriate calls put additional strain on an already over-stretched service and may delay help for others,” Andy Swinburn, executive director of paramedicine at WAS, said.
“People who’ve had a cough for a couple of days have a legitimate clinical need, but it’s ill-judged to call 999 when there are so many other ways to access help.”
By publishing the ridiculous call transcripts, WAS hopes to discourage people from making emergency calls for every stubbed toe.
So, if you encounter any of these issues in your life, remember that you may not actually be dealing with an emergency.
Too Much Kebab
Operator: Tell me exactly what’s happened.
Caller: Yesterday evening, we had some kebab, and I might have had a little bit more than I’m used to. Then this morning, I’ve had a very painful stomach.
We’ve all been at Thanksgiving dinner. You eat way too much and the next morning you still feel as stuffed as a turkey.
Sure, it’s uncomfortable, and a way overstuffed stomach can be a genuine medical concern. But come on — calling the emergency number because you have a tummy ache from pigging out on kebab last night?
Stuck Ring
Caller: My ring is stuck on my finger; I need it cut off.
Operator: Is your breathing normal for you?
Caller: My breathing’s fantastic, yeah.
Operator: Are you bleeding or vomiting blood?
Caller: I’m not bleeding, no.
Operator: And do you have any pain?
Caller: Yeah, a little bit.
Operator: From the information that you have provided, you do require a more detailed assessment by a nurse, so an ambulance will not be sent at this time.
Caller: How am I going to get there then? Can you just come and see me, please?
On one hand, the caller makes a good point at the end. If you do need a doctor, stat, and have no car, you can’t really get to a hospital.
On the other hand, a ring stuck on your finger isn’t exactly stopping you from asking a friend for a ride or calling a cab.
Lost Voice
Caller: What it is with her, her voice has given on her. We don’t know what to do. We’ve tried lemon and whatever, but it’s not doing any good.
Operator: Where is she in pain?
Caller: It’s her throat. She can hardly speak.
Operator: And is it just that she’s lost her voice, is it?
Caller: Yeah.
Now, we don’t know who the “she” in this call is. To us, though, this sounds like a panicking parent.
It’s normal to be concerned for your kids, we get it. But if they do lose their voice to a sore throat, just be glad for a moment of peace and quiet before they get better.
Chili in Eyes
Operator: Ambulance, what’s the address of the emergency?
Caller: Hi, yeah, I know it doesn’t 100% qualify as this but my wife must have accidentally rubbed chili in her eyes and her eyes are burning. She’s tried washing them and nothing’s happening.
If you’ve ever gotten chili in your eyes, you can definitely sympathize — it burns like all hell. But is it a medical emergency? No.
In case you do rub pepper in your eyes, you can try soaking a paper towel in milk, squeezing out the excess, and laying the towel on the affected eye. That said, the only real cure is to grit your teeth and power through the pain.
Hand Stuck in Mail Slot
Operator: Is the patient awake?
Caller: Yeah, it’s me, my hand’s stuck in the door.
Operator: Is the door locked at the moment?
Caller: Yeah, it’s locked. Mam! No, my hand’s stuck in the f***ing letterbox.
Operator: How old are you?
Caller: Open the door, my hand’s stuck!
We’re not even sure where to start here. It sounds like a panicking teenager. Kids, just don’t stick your hands in mail slots and you’ll be fine.
Ripped Piercing
Operator: Ambulance service, what’s the address of the emergency?
Caller: I wouldn’t say it’s an emergency, but I don’t know how to get down to hospital. I have a piercing in my ear, and it’s pretty much been ripped out and the ball’s stuck in my ear.
Operator: So, the ball from your piercing is stuck inside your ear?
As someone who’s dealt with my fair share of piercing problems, I can once again sympathize. I can also tell you that your partially ripped piercing isn’t going to kill you.
You don’t need a hospital. Just push or yank it out the best you can and grab the disinfectant. Oh, and be careful with your piercings.
Cough
Operator: Tell me exactly what’s happened.
Caller: I’ve had a cough for the last couple of days.
Operator: What’s that sorry, you’ve got a cough?
Caller: Yeah.
Operator: We are currently experiencing a large number of life-threatening emergencies. An ambulance is not available to respond to you. Our advice is to ring 111.
We really wish we could hear the recording of this call. We bet the operator’s voice during that last line would be priceless.
Lost Dentures
Caller: I have a bottom part denture, and I went to clean my teeth and I said, ‘Where’s my false teeth?’ This sounds crazy but I don’t know what else to do. Could I have swallowed my false teeth?
Operator: So, you don’t know where your false teeth are?
You can’t help but feel a bit bad for the confused elderly citizen. Even then, though, they should have a better line to help available than the emergency number.