Thrown Pizza Thwarts Machete Wielding Thief

  • Owner of Stargate Pizza defended himself from a machete-wielding assailant with a pizza.

With self-defense, you’re supposed to use whatever you have at your disposal. I’ve never understood throwing a gun that runs out of bullets at your assailant, the way they do in movies. But throwing a pizza at someone? That seems to work. This story comes to us from the mean streets of Greenwood, Delaware. 

Photo by Dylan Mullins on Unsplash

Not Just Another Suburban Pizza Place

Stargate Pizza looks like any other suburban pizza joint. It sits back from the road between a church and an antique market on a sleepy stretch of Sussex Highway. But its pizzas have a little something extra. On the evening of July 10th, the owner of Stargate was taking home a pie after locking up the shop. A man approached him from the parking lot. Maybe it’s different if you live and work in a rural area. But I can’t imagine keeping my cool if someone approached me from the dark on a long lonely stretch of highway. It’s super creepy. 


 

The owner of the pizza shop let the man know that it was closed for the evening—such sweet optimism. Like if you treat approaching horror with a sense of normalcy, maybe everything will turn out okay. Instead, the man brandished a machete and demanded money. 

Photo by Isaac Quesada on Unsplash

Machetes: A Top Five Creepy Weapon

First, machetes are basically swords as far as I’m concerned. I understand why they’re no more dangerous than a gun. But if someone pulls out an 18-inch blade, tell me you wouldn’t be more scared. Getting shot isn’t a walk in the park by any means. But someone swings a machete on you and best-case scenario, you’re losing a limb. Stargate Pizza didn’t flinch, though. Instead, the owner threw the pizza at the would-be thief. It scared him so much he ran away. The Delaware State Police are still investigating. 

 

Stargate Pizza’s Facebook page remains silent on the matter, which seems like a lost advertising opportunity. They’re pizzas look delicious if not necessarily weaponized. 

 

The best weapon is the one you have, I guess, and that weapon can be a pizza if it’s hot enough, and you throw it hard enough. 

Comments