“Skinniest” House in London Lists for $1.3 Million

  • The house was originally a hat shop and is a mere six-feet wide.
  • The fashion photographer Juergen Teller turned it into a five-story home, and now it's worth $1.3 million.

Real estate is officially out of control. Again.

The pre-2008 real estate market was insane (before the crash), where banks were giving away seven-figure properties with 0 down. And there’s the craziness now, where the average home in some cities costs over ten times the average income. For whatever reason, capitalism decided that the ability to live indoors, away from the weather and things, is Very Special, and only a select few may have the privilege. Never forget that around half a million homeless people live in America, and there are over 17 million vacant homes. 

Photo by Aysegul Yahsi on Unsplash

Why is even dumb stuff expensive?

So it’s pretty crazy that a home that’s just six-feet wide just listed for $1.3 million. It’s, somehow, 1,000 square feet, spread across five stories. The space was originally a hat shop in the Shepherd’s Bush area of London. That’s fine. It seems like a claustrophobic space to both work and shop, but that was at least reasonable. It looks as though someone bricked up a gap between two other proper buildings. 

The German fashion photographer Juergen Teller, who has a minimalist/amateur aesthetic, bought the hat shop and turned it into a home. The real estate agency Winkworth wants people to believe this home is a “designer’s dream” and the living quarters are comparable to a “luxury yacht.” But the door for the bedroom is literally on the floor. That’s cute and “designer” until someone opens it and forgets – or forgets to tell the other person – and someone plummets down a stairway. 

One floor is just the bathroom.

I don’t even have claustrophobia, but the video tour makes me want to stand in an empty field. The basement contains the kitchen, dining room and leads out into a garden. All the first floor has space for is doors and stairs. Oh, and a “reception room” that no one even tried to stage before putting it on the market. It has a fireplace, an offensively bland love seat, and an ottoman taking up the total square footage. 

Photo by Arwin Basdew on Unsplash

On to the second floor where you’ll find a windowless office, a bedroom, and a roof terrace where you can go for your panic attacks when the walls are closing in on you. The third floor is all the plumbing in the house, including the only bathroom. The top floor is the petite “master” bedroom with the door on the floor. 

No one should buy this dumb house.

It’s just hard to imagine that this is someone’s ideal home. The agency is working hard to spin it as quirky for people who want more from life (but not more space). But imagine spending another quarantine in rooms just six-feet wide.