Men with Bigger Noses have Bigger Penises, says Science

  • Is your nose that freakishly huge or are you just happy to see me?

You know what they say about men with big hands, right? Or big feet, or fingers of certain length, or…

Our point is, there are lot of sayings and theories about how the sizes of different body parts correlate with the size of a dude’s manhood. If you can’t remember them all, we have good news for you – science has figured out where you should be looking.

And the answer it a little bit on the nose.

A new Japanese study, published in the journal Basic and Clinical Andrology, discovered that there is a correlation between the size of a man’s nose and his dingeling. Basically, the bigger the nose, the bigger the penis.

“This study is the first to demonstrate the relationship between stretched penis length (SPL) and nose size,” the research team writes in the study.

And just so we’re clear, SPL means the maximum length of the penis during erection. This means that the guy’s nose is a good indicator of what his equipment is like when, ahem… Standing at attention.

It also means that the nose metric is reliable when it comes to getting down and dirty. If your big-nosed lover seems disappointing initially, he’s probably just a grower, not a shower.

“Excuse me, I need to go blow my nose.”

Dead Dongs

While the study undeniably has naughty implications, the actual research took place in one of the least sexy places on the planet. Namely, a morgue.

You in the back, put your hand down. No, you’re not allowed to argue against that.

The research team examined a total of 126 male cadavers at the Kyoto Prefectural University of Medicine. Their actual goal was to determine whether the size ratios of body parts could help determine the age of badly decomposed bodies during forensic investigation.

The scientists explain that based on previous research, the level of postmortem serum prostate-specific antigen (PSA) and the size of the prostate correlate with age. They wanted to know if there are any other such indicators that could help investigators figure out how old a corpse was at the time of death.

However, reading the study, it becomes pretty clear that researchers may have gotten slightly sidetracked.

“We … investigated whether the size of the male genitalia similarly exposed to serum testosterone during aging could change with age,” they say.

“The saying ‘big nose, big hose’ suggests that nose size indicates penile length. However, scientific reports that prove this statement are not available to date,” the researchers added.

So, in order to answer this pressing question, they measured the flaccid and erect penis length and girth of the bodies. In addition, they took measurements of the nose, both testicles, the prostate, and the cadaver’s height and weight.

Such Pointless Results

The results of the study found that there’s pretty much a direct correlation between the sizes of the nose and the penis. Men with a nose measuring 2.1 inches in size had an average SPL of 5.3 inches.

On the other end of the scale, the average erect manhood of the guys with 1.7-inch noses came to barely over 4 inches. Basically, adding just two-fifths of an inch to the nose increases the length of a man’s dong by more than an inch.

However, before you start measuring your own nose, you should be aware of the limited scope of the study. The researchers examined only Japanese men, and note that the results may not be universally applicable.

That is, until scientists in other countries replicate the study.

When it comes to the actual applicable results of the study… Well, let’s hear it from the scientists themselves.

“Our results are useless for forensic purposes,” they say. Meaning that they achieved absolutely nothing of what they set out to do.

However, they point out that “understanding the growing process of the penis or facial features may be very important for extrapolating fetal androgen levels and following male genital functions.” So, there’s that.

Calculating Satisfaction

Only one question remains to be answered. What is the nose size that you should be looking for to find the ideal dong?

Well, let’s first figure out what the best penis size is. Lucky for us, Big One Dating recently did all the hard work for us, at least when it comes to the ladies.

The site surveyed 4,761 women to discover the penis size that’s most likely to result in female orgasm during penetration. Based on their data, we can see that the ideal penis size is, drum roll… Eight inches!

An eight-inch penis resulted in a 44% female orgasm rate, the best in the study. Go any bigger or smaller, and the orgasm rate starts dropping.

While we don’t know how reliable this data is, we’re going to use it for our purposes. So, assuming that the ideal penis is eight inches long, what nose size correlates with that?

After some quick math exercises, we have our answer. An eight-inch penis correlates with a nose that’s almost exactly 6 inches long, when measured from between the eyes to the outside of the nose wings.

That’s quite a nose, but the numbers don’t lie. Now go find the sexiest facial protrusion out there.