1SexFit: A pedometer for your penis
It was only a matter of time before wearable technology moved from people's heads and wrists and ventured downstairs. British adult retailer Bondara is leading the charge, with this prototype activity tracker and sex toy. The SexFit is a ring that sits at the base of the penis, trapping blood for better, uh, erections, but it also has an accelerometer and Bluetooth module. That way, your in-and-out statistics will be shared with a companion app that'll tell you your thrust per minute and even the calories you've burned. Oh, and you can even share those figures with your shocked friends on social media.
2Sign In Pillowcases: Keep track of all those who sleep in your bed
If promiscuity is your game, the sign-in pillow case is the right fit for you. It's designed to look exactly like a piece of notebook paper and has a sign-in space for those who spend the night or just a few hours. Now you can easily keep track of your sexual conquests!
3Wankband: Produce energy by "loving" yourself
The energy crisis could be over! Pornhub has tapped into one of the world's great unused reservoirs of energy. Yep, you guessed right — the furious wrists of internet masturbators.
Ever keen to stay classy, Pornhub has called their gizmo the "Wankband." The site urges users to "create dirty energy," by wearing the Wankband while, ah, self-pleasuring and has urged users to come up with ideas using the hashtag #wankband. The wrist-mounted gadget has a kinetic charger that can be used to power up gadgets such as iPhones.
The Wankband is still in early beta testing, but I must say I loved their slogan: "The first wearable tech that allows you to love the planet by loving yourself."
4Lick: An app for practicing oral sex
This app is not just for guys, but for anyone who wants to improve their oral pleasuring skills. Lick is an internet-based smart phone app that helps strengthen your tongue muscles for pleasuring a lady. (Who knew? I always thought the best exercises were squishing Jello between my teeth and blowing bubbles in chocolate milk.)
You just wrap your phone's screen in plastic wrap (or not), and choose one of three exercises: flicking the light switch on and off, turning the pencil sharper, or keeping the ball bouncing.
5Little Black Book: Keep track of your conquests just like in the old days
Store all your one-night-stands in this Little Black Book. It's like the old classic black book revamped with a beer rating system. Worried about storing a number on your phone? After a few drinks we all seem to forget that lesson, but help is on hand! Your Little Black Book not only takes those high risk numbers off your phone, but it also comes with a unique pint rating system. You can jog your memory the next time you are tempted to make that call.
6The Sex On Canvas Kit
This is a "Love is Art" kit. It comes with a canvas and a bottle of paint. You just douse yourself and your significant other with the body paint, then go at it like animals atop the canvas. When you're done, ART IS BORN (and possibly a baby nine months later).
As you can see from the picture above, these two budding artists were clearly banging like rabbits. Total time in the studio: less than four minutes. Kits start at $60 and go up from there, depending on the canvas and paint color.
7Sexcereal: Cereal that makes you better at sex
This is SEXCEREAL, a gender-specific cereal meant to enhance your sexual performance abilities. This breakfast food is made up of granola and other super healthy ingredients that make your privates do stuff better —like sexin'. (Sexcereal is gender specific, so I'm going to caution you to NOT buy the wrong kind.)
Cereal "for him" includes bee pollen, black sesame, wheat germ, and pumpkin seeds. Cereal "for her" has ginger, sunflower seeds, and almonds.
8S.T. EYE: Colored condoms that detect STDs
The S.T.EYE is a conceptual condom created by Musaz Nawaz, Daanyaal Ali and Chirag Shah, students at London's Isaac Newton Academy. How does it work? It detects STDs by changing color. A layer of molecules in the condom would theoretically attach to bacteria and viruses associated with common STDs like herpes, syphilis, and chlamydia. The reaction from said attachment would then cause the condom to glow a certain color, depending on the infection it detected, forming an “inbuilt indicator." Smart!
The craziest part is, the inventors are kids! Just 13 and 14 years old. When I was 13 or 14, I didn't even know what a condom was!
9Sex Position Coloring Book
Crayons and coloring are just for kids, aren't they? The Sex Position Coloring Book: Playtime for Couples is the first-ever interactive intercourse guide that partners can color together. The book includes 101 ready-to-color outlines of couples in real sex positions. For some, this will be the only sexual encounter they have that will last longer than 15 minutes.
10Happy Ride: Vibrating bicycle seat cover
This is the second eco-friendly sexual gadget on our list. We are always being told to incorporate more exercise into our daily routines, and cycling to work is an excellent way of doing so.
If you were reluctant to hit the pedals before, this new gizmo could give you all the incentive you need to get on your bike. A firm has launched the Happy Ride—a vibrating seat cover that will make journeys by bicycle a bit more exciting.
An inconspicuous gadget slips over the seat of a bike and incorporates "vibration stimulation" as you ride. It comes with an attached control pocket to raise or lower the vibration rate. The vibration can be turned on and off using the control pad which then tucks into a pocket in the seat cover, allowing you to peddle away uninhibited.
Launched by an adult toy retailer, the Happy Ride seat cover will certainly add a new dimension to riding a bike, though we wonder if the distraction of a vibrating seat might not be a little dangerous on a busy road.