- Once again, science has answered a question you probably never thought to ask.
Take a deep breath, hold it in… Exhale.
Now do the same thing through your butt.
Well, you obviously can’t do that, because your lungs are hooked up to a different orifice. However, a recent scientific breakthrough has demonstrated that breathing through your booty is not only possible, but safe.
Butt breathing doesn’t involve drawing air in through your back door, however. Instead, it works by pumping an oxygen-rich liquid solution into the intestines.
Your guts will then absorb the oxygen and distribute it throughout your body. That’s theory at least, but the method had only ever been used on animals.
Now, that’s changed. A new study, featuring the first-ever human trial of enteral ventilation, has shown that the method can be used safely on people.
In theory, butt breathing could be a lifesaving procedure in medical cases where the patient’s lungs are shutting down. However, further testing is still needed before it can be determined whether a person will absorb enough oxygen this way to sustain themselves without their lungs.
Still, we’ve entered a brave new era for humanity. We can now not only talk out of our asses, but breathe through them too.
The Theory of Butt Breath
When you think about butts, the only air moving through there is usually going out, not in. A new study, recently published in the journal Med, is blazing the trail for new things to do with our bungholes.
Namely, it showed that it’s possible and medically safe for a human being to breathe through the anus.
This method of respiration is known in the medical realm as enteral ventilation. It works by pumping an oxygen-carrying fluid called perfluorodecalin into the intestines.
From there, the guts will absorb the oxygen and infuse your blood with it, much like your lungs do. The oxygen spreads throughout your body and keeps you going, even if your lungs are failing.
Earlier studies by the same group of researchers have shown that butt breathing is effective in treating respiratory failure in animals. But would it also work for humans, or does butt biology make it impossible or dangerous?
Well, now we know.
It’s Safe
To demo butt breathing in humans, the research group — led by Japanese scientist Takanoru Takebe, affiliated with Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center and the University of Osaka — chose a group of 27 healthy males for their study. However, none of them actually ended up absorbing oxygen through their intestines.
In this study, the researchers only wanted to discover if it’s possible to safely fill a person’s booty with perfluorodecalin. They also aimed to find out if the process causes such discomfort that it’s simply not worth it.
The initial results were promising.
“We found that intrarectal administration of perfluorodecalin up to 1,000 mL was safe and well tolerated, with only mild and transient gastrointestinal symptoms such as bloating,” Takebe told 404 Media.
Increasing the amount to 1,500 mL did make the test subjects uncomfortably bloated. However, at 1,000 mL, the perfluorodecalin completely filled a person’s large intestine, which should, in theory, be all you need for maximum oxygen absorption.
Next Comes Oxygen
So, we now know that it’s medically safe to fill your rear chambers with the oxygen carrier. Next, the researchers have to figure out whether you’ll actually suck up sufficient amounts of oxygen through your guts to make the method functional.
“The next phase will involve testing ‘oxygenated’ perfluorodecalin (O?-PFD) in patients with hypoxemia to evaluate actual oxygen transfer efficacy. We are currently planning a Phase II trial in collaboration with clinical partners in Japan and the U.S.,” Takebe said.
But why are these scientists trying to get a person to breathe through their ass? Well, imagine a scenario where somebody’s lungs are failing but the ventilation machine they require isn’t yet ready.
Butt breathing could be a lifeline in this scenario. The researchers emphasize that it’s not meant to (and probably can’t) replace ventilation machines, but it could provide a literal backdoor to keeping someone alive until they can be hooked up to artificial lungs.
“In such cases, intestinal oxygen delivery could serve as a ‘bridge’ therapy until normal respiration or full ventilatory support can be established,” concluded Takebe.
The team’s efforts have attracted attention, both from scientists and the general public, with the latter mostly snickering at the thought of butt breathing. Yet, Takebe’s team received the 2024 Ig Nobel Prize in physiology for their project.
You can’t help but wonder what other marvelous things could be possible if science can unleash the full power of our behinds.