- They've had it with the motherf***ing snakes in the motherf***ing hospitals.
If you’ve just gotten bitten by a snake, it’s understandable if you panic a bit. After all, unless you regularly work with snakes, you may have no idea if the snake is venomous or not.
Unless you’re in Australia. Although the number of venomous animals on the island is somewhat exaggerated, they still have plenty of snakes perfectly capable of killing you.
Australian doctors, however, are now pleading that people keep calm enough and not do one incredibly stupid thing that’s becoming a real problem.
That is, people are bringing the snakes that bit them along to the hospital.
They’re thinking that having the offending snake available will help the doctors administer the right kind of antidote if necessary. But health authorities are saying that the only thing you’re doing is risking a potentially venomous snake running amok through the hospital.
“It just puts the staff at risk as well as yourself,” summarized Dr. Adam Michael, Bundaberg Hospital Director of Emergency Medicine, to ABC News.
Warning Shots
On the surface, it might seem logical to bring the snake with you to the hospital after it’s bitten you. After all, you’re supposed to bring the packaging of anything poisonous you may have ingested to the emergency room, so in your post-bite panic grabbing the snake just might make sense.
However, there are three big issues with bringing the snake with you.
The first is that you risk getting bitten again. Snakes don’t really want to bite you unless it’s in self-defense, and you can probably see how trying to grab it might piss off the snake.
And here’s the kicker — even if the snake was the most venomous in the world, it may not have injected any venom when it bit you. Producing venom takes a lot of energy, so to avoid wasting it, venomous snakes may give you a venom-less dry bite to get you to back off.
But if you keep messing with the snake, it will decide you’re an actual threat and it’s time for you to die. Attempting to grab the snake might just mean you’ll get an actual dose of venom.
“We honestly don’t want people interacting with snakes any more than they already have,” said Dr. Michael.
Packing a Snake
The second problem is that you’re probably not an experienced snake handler. Or do you know for a fact how to transport a dangerous, enraged snake?
No? Then you probably shouldn’t grab it because whatever transport solution you use might fail.
People have brought snakes to Australian emergency rooms in everything from food containers to plain plastic shopping bags. None of them are designed to hold a struggling snake and could let it escape — in the hospital.
We shouldn’t have to tell you why releasing a venomous, irate snake into a hospital is a bad idea.
“If that snake gets out in an emergency department, that becomes a huge disaster,” said Dr. Michael.
But let’s say the snake doesn’t escape in the hospital. Instead, imagine it doing so in the car while you’re driving over.
Just like that, you’re dealing with the first problem again.
An Exercise in Futility
Finally, we have the third issue. That’s the fact that taking the snake to the hospital is completely pointless.
Even if you bring the snake with you, what are the doctors supposed to do with it? They’re doctors, not exotic animal handlers.
“We’re actually not trained to identify snakes, and so it’s not helpful,” Dr. Michael admitted.
They probably won’t know anything more about the snake than you do. All they can do is look at the snake and go, “Yep, that sure is a snake.”
Additionally, doctors don’t need to see the snake to give you the right antidote. Even if you tell them for certain which snake bit you, the doctors will still run tests to determine the type of venom.
“We can determine if you need anti-venom and if so, what anti-venom you need based on clinical signs, blood tests, and also the snake venom detection kits that we keep here at the hospital,” explained Dr. Michael.
What to Do After a Snake Bite?
So, you now know that you shouldn’t grab a snake that bites you and take it to the hospital? But what should you do? After all, we have plenty of venomous in the U.S. as well, so it’s just good to know these things.
“It’s really important not to wash the bite site,” said Dr. Michael. Doing so can allow venom remaining on your skin to be washed into your bloodstream. Additionally, traces of venom can help doctors quickly figure out the right anti-venom.
That said, the CDC does recommend washing the wound, so the jury is out on this point, we suppose.
In any case, you should keep calm. It might be hard if you’re scared of venom, but panicking and moving around will only spread the possible venom faster into your system.
“Instead, what we want people to do is apply a firm pressure immobilization bandage, starting at the bite site and covering the entire limb,” Dr. Michael said. Make sure not to use an actual tourniquet or you might lose your limb.
Next, it’s just a matter of calmly getting yourself to the nearest hospital. Just remember not to bring the snake.