- Nothing gets you in the mood like some duck embryos, deadly beetle powder, and a serving of human flesh.
You got the right music playing, the lights are dimmed, and your special someone is ready and waiting — but somehow, you’re just not in the mood. Fret not, as all you have to do is take the right aphrodisiac and you’re ready to rock.
Most of us will probably picture a certain little blue pill when thinking of aphrodisiacs. Yet, people throughout the ages have sought magical substances to turn themselves into sex machines.
Many times, they’ve resorted to consuming some decidedly un-sexy things.
Here are 12 bizarre substances people have taken to get busy — and in some cases, they still do.
1. Ambergris
In case you’re unaware of what ambergris is, it’s basically a cross between whale puke and poop. This byproduct of whale digestion builds up in their digestive tracts until they expel it into the ocean.
When fresh, ambergris has an overpowering fecal stink that should turn nobody on. When matured, however, the stench mellows into a musky smell — something akin to an animal in heat, perhaps.
That smell made people from ancient times up to the Renaissance consider ambergris an aphrodisiac. That, and it was so stupidly rare and expensive that some people probably simply got turned on by the idea of how much it cost.
2. Balut
Balut is a traditional food in many Southeast Asian countries. It consists of cooked, fertilized chicken or duck eggs, still containing the partially developed embryo.
In the Philippines, for example, chowing down on Balut was, and sometimes still is believed to give you the vigor you need in the bedroom. Admittedly, balut is packed with protein and other nutrients that genuinely give you an energy boost.
You just have to get over the sensation of duckling bones crunching between your teeth first.
3. Beans
The thought in the Middle Ages was that a man’s penis got erect because of “wind pressure.” In other words, they believed it was like a balloon that inflated in anticipation of getting down and dirty.
And what food produces a lot of “wind” inside your guts? Why, that’s beans, the most musical of fruits.
We can only assume that Medieval lovemaking was one gassy affair.
4. Cobra
“My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun,” declared Sir Mix-a-Lot. His South Asian counterpart might swap the anaconda for a cobra, as all parts of the snake are used in libido-enhancing concoctions.
Primarily, cobra blood is believed to ignite the fire in your loins. It may be mixed into alcohol or drunk straight from the tap, as it were.
That said, eating the cobra’s meat is supposed to produce the same results. We can’t help but think this is one trouser snake metaphor taken too far.
5. Cow Cod Soup
“What’s ‘cow cod,’” you ask. Why, that’s a Jamaican euphemism for the penis of a bull, which can be cooked into a lust-invoking soup.
In addition to the chopped-up dong, the soup contains garlic, onion, various root vegetables, and scotch bonnet chiles, all cooked in a rum-based broth. Honestly, that sounds like hearty and flavorful soup if not for the…
You know, the penis.
6. Durian
“When the durians come down, the sarongs come off,” goes a Malaysian saying. Indeed, lab tests have shown that this huge, Southeast Asian fruit actually does improve the libido — at least in rats.
Rats that consistently consume durian develop a higher sperm count compared to rats that don’t, in addition to increased horniness. So, perhaps this is the first scientifically proven aphrodisiac on this list.
At least if you ignore the stink. Durian smells absolutely foul and regularly makes the rankings for the worst-smelling things in the world, which some people might consider a turn-off.
7. Gladiator Sweat
Victorious gladiators were the sports superstars of Ancient Rome. Just like today, that status came with lots of opportunities to make a lot of money, from sponsorship contracts to selling your sweat as an aphrodisiac.
That’s right — the sweat of a hunky gladiator was one of the most sought-after substances in Rome. On one hand, that’s kind of understandable since you can’t really get much more masculine than being the last gladiator standing after the fight.
On the other hand, that’s pretty gross.
8. Human Blood and Flesh
Perhaps the most controversial aphrodisiac in history is human blood and flesh. Various peoples from all over the world have consumed their own members to get the spark to make more of them.
From Western Africa to Italy and South Asia, menstrual blood has often been an ingredient in potions for both love and lust. Yet, the most extreme example comes from a (quite possibly untrue) story about a Papua New Guinean tribe.
Supposedly, the tribe would close a virgin boy and girl in a shed built from logs for them to have sex. The rest of the tribe will then collapse the shed, killing the kids within before eating their flesh as an aphrodisiac.
9. Leafcutter Ants
According to Queen, fat-bottomed girls make the world go ‘round. According to Colombian tradition, however, it’s fat-bottomed ants.
In Colombia, especially among the local native peoples, it’s not uncommon for a newlywed couple to receive a bunch of leafcutter ants as a present. These large-bottomed ants are rich in protein to give the couple the energy they need to keep consummating their marriage all through the night.
They don’t eat the ants alive, though. They’re fried into a nice, crunchy snack before consumption.
10. Pliny’s Aphrodisiacs
Pliny the Elder was a Roman historian and scientist who aimed to write down the entirety of then-current human knowledge. That included a lot of… Fascinating recipes for aphrodisiacs.
Just as a couple of examples, Pliny suggested placing wool soaked in bats’ blood under a woman’s pillow to get her in the mood. Men, on the other hand, could war a crane-skin pouch filled with the right lung of a vulture as a “powerful stimulant.”
We’re starting to think that maybe Pliny didn’t know quite as much as he liked to think he did. Then again, he did also suggest that if a couple wanted to decrease their libido, they could drown a lizard in the man’s urine.
Well, a piss-drowned lizard would certainly kill the mood for us, so he got that right.
11. Spanish Fly
Don’t worry, there are no flies in “Spanish fly.” It’s made from beetles. Spanish fly consists of ground-up blister beetles, which are packed with a chemical called cantharidin.
And sure enough, cantharidin causes your little fella to swell-a — due to horrific inflammation. Other fun side effects of cantharidin include painful and bloody urination, convulsions, kidney failure, coma, and potential death.
Despite the possible fatal results, Spanish fly was historically a very popular love concoction in the Mediterranean.
12. Tiger Penis
The dried and ground penis of a tiger is a traditional lust-inducing folk remedy in China and some other places in Asia. Despite being illegal, it remains popular to this day.
Unfortunately, the only way to get a tiger penis is to slice one off from a tiger. The demand for their dongs is directly contributing to the impending extinction of Asian tiger populations.
Here’s a fun fact, though — tiger copulation lasts only around five minutes at best and the females generally find every second of it uncomfortable. Why exactly did people pick this animal’s penis for their illicit aphrodisiac?