Remember when the world lost its collective mind because Gwenyth Paltrow named her baby Apple? And then they made a big to-do about her “conscious uncoupling” from Chris Martin? She confirmed her status as the ultimate weird-rich girl back then. Now, Apple is pretty tame compared to some celebrity baby monikers. Elon Musk and Grimes just came up with such a high-concept baby name it’s unpronounceable. X Æ A-12, the baby, is doomed to a lifetime of people trying to remember “Ex Ash A-Twelve.”
My theory about why celebrity names are so weird is that they’re surrounded by overly supporting and accepting people. To some degree, when you’re rich and famous, people just agree to whatever ideas and demands wander through your mind.
Here’s a throwback to some of the weirdest celebrity names in the last 20 years:
Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen
Joining siblings Ahmet, Moon Unit, and Dweezil, Diva Thin Muffin is the youngest child of Frank and Gail Zappa. The legend goes to the actor/artist/comedian earned the name Diva because of how loud she was. Nothing on Thin Muffin, though.
Pilot Inspektor Lee
The child of the actors Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf got the name Pilot after a song. Pilot doesn’t bug me so much, but Inspektor with a ‘k’? What’s going on there.
Both Kate Winslet and Alicia Silverstone named their babies Bear. Winslet’s reasoning isn’t so crazy–she had a childhood friend named Bear, who she loved. The kid’s middle name is Blaze because she and her husband met in a house fire and “wanted something of the fire.” Coming out of it alive wasn’t enough?
Who knew Robert Downey Jr. even had a kid? Turns out he has three with his wife of 17 years, Susan, and all their names are creative. Exton is the oldest, joined later by Indio Falconer and Avri Roel.
Too close to “gingham.” Nope.
Child of Sting. I want to be mad about this one, but Sting has rocked his weird name for 50 years. Her siblings all have cripplingly common names like Joseph and Jake.
Lazer Lee Louis Pentz
You can tell the babies whose parents are confident they’ll be able to get into an exclusive private school. Someplace where teachers won’t blink, calling on “Lazer” to do a math problem on the board.
Rocket, Racer, Rebel, and Rogue
If it weren’t for the Kardashians, we’d all give a collective eye-roll to theme names for kids. And Rocket Power was such a good cartoon show that Robert Rodriguez and Elizabeth Avellan kind of get a pass for this bouquet of weird ‘R’ names.
Kal-El Coppola Cage
Must be nice to know you’re too powerful in Hollywood for your kid ever to get bullied.
If your name is “Lucky Blue,” what chance do you have of naming your child John?