- Everybody needs a hobby, but please — not this.
Usually, when things end up in people’s behinds, they try to act like they have no idea how it happened. Take, for example, the man who “slipped and fell” on a WWII-era artillery shell.
The fellow from our story, however, had no qualms whatsoever about sticking stuff where the sun don’t shine.
Police in Texas recently arrested Mitchell Vest after multiple reports from worried citizens. According to the reports, Vest was going around local antique shops dressed in a kilt.
He wasn’t there to shop, though. The reports said — and security camera footage confirms it — that Vest was picking items off the shelf and placing them under his kilt.
More specifically, he was shoving them up his anus. And then he put them back on the shelf.
As the antique dealers, who fortunately saw what Vest was up to, had to dispose of the soiled merchandise, the police obtained a warrant for Vest’s arrest. All’s well that ends well, right?
Not necessarily. One shop owner said she had seen Vest in the shop before.
Wonder what he was up to during those visits?
‘I Was Really in Shock’
According to a statement from the Harris County Constable Precinct 4 Office, the cops received reports from multiple “concerned citizens” about the behavior of a certain man on February 15. We can only imagine the furrowed brows and confused looks as the officers began reviewing what was happening.
According to a probable cause affidavit acquired by Law & Crime, the man, later identified as 60-year-old Vest, went around two antique shops in Spring, Texas, on February 10. The stores in question are the Antique Gallery of Houston and the Curiosity Shop.
The Antique Gallery’s owner, Susan Golden, told the cops that she had noticed the man behaving strangely. But she couldn’t believe what he did with an old makeup brush and a further unidentified piece of hardware.
Golden stated that Vest proceeded to place the items under his kilt and “shove both items up his anus, then return [them] to the shelf.”
“I was really in shock. I just didn’t know what to say or think,” Golden told KPRC2.
Put together, the items Vest damaged cost $130. However, deeming that they couldn’t be sold anymore, Golden had to dispose of them.
The police also received security footage from the Curiosity Shop, recorded on the same day. The video also shows Vest entering the store and, uh… Making physical contact with two pieces of merchandise.
This time, a bottle opener and a tobacco tent can — valued at a combined $74 — ended up making unplanned visits into Vest’s rectum. The man put these items back on the shelf as well.
“Both Complainants advised they had to throw away the items that were used in this incident due to feces [being] on them,” the affidavit reads according to Law & Crime.
Was It the First Time?
Having the same man on surveillance footage from both stores helped the cops positively identify him as Vest. Since the owners of both stores had stated they wanted to press charges, the officers decided to pay Vest a visit.
“Due to the loss of multiple antique items that had to be disposed, Constable Deputies obtained a warrant for his arrest for the offense of criminal mischief,” the Constable Precinct Office said.
Vest was booked into Harris County Jail. However, he was released later after paying a $100 bail.
According to media reports, it wasn’t clear when Vest was scheduled to appear in court.
Although the man has been caught, there’s one concerning element left in the story. No, it’s not the risk of Vest repeating his anal escapades.
It’s the chance that he has done them before — without anyone realizing it.
According to Golden from the Antique Gallery, she definitely believes she has personally seen Vest in her store before. Additionally, she claims the store’s employees have certainly seen him, and that he spent “hours” shopping in the store.
Was he shopping? Or was he slipping other items under his kilt? If so, how many — and have they been sold to other people since?
We may never know.