1The mystery man who terrorized subway commuters with a 14" sex toy
In early 2015, unlucky passengers on a New York City subway train were treated to a man wielding a 14"-16" long dildo.
Riders immediately believed he was under the influence of drugs, despite being initially pleasant. But things quickly took a turn for the weird once the mystery man reached into his satchel and retrieved what was the Excalibur of sex toys.
The wielder of the one sex toy "to rule them all" began imitating graphic sex acts and pointing his "magical sword" at random people on the train. Once the train stopped to pick up new passengers, he simply put the toy away, waited to leave the station, and then gave riders the shock of their lives. (Or not. It is, after all, New York.)
2The woman who hit a cop with her strap-on over an unpaid restaurant bill
56-year-old Carolee Bildsten of Illinois was arrested for striking an officer over an unpaid bill at Joe's Crab Shack. While the employees of the restaurant were familiar with Bildsten's antics, this occurrence was the last straw.
Here's what happened:
The dine-and-dash culprit was spotted in an unconscious state on a nearby lawn, completely wasted off drinks from her unpaid tab. It was there that law enforcement approached her.
Bildsten was initially more than willing to comply, and told police that she'd gladly pay her tab, but had left her money at home. She then solicited the help of an officer, asking him to escort her to her residence. He did.
Once inside, Bildsten pulled out a "rigid pleasure device" and immediately embodied Xena: Warrior Princess in an attack against the officer. With the device held high overhead, she approached the cop aggressively and attempted to strike. He knocked the sex toy out of her hand.
Though her weapon of choice was more gross than harmful, she was still taken into custody and charged with a count of aggravated assault and an additional charge of theft of labor. She was later released on bail.
3The guy who walked into a bar naked with a bag full of sex toys
51-year-old David Sherratt walked into a pub naked from the waist down, toting what was thought to be a bag of goodies. Instead of bearing what could've been delightful gifts, he came bearing prosthetic penises and other sex toys.
To make things even weirder, after Sherratt entered the pub, he was quick to challenge anyone who may have had a problem with his attire to step outside. Obviously, and for very good reasons, no one was eager to take him up on his offer. He left shortly after that.
After his arrest, Sherratt confessed that he was on amphetamines during the bizarre episode.
4The man who is facing jail time after threatening his mechanic with a massive dong
Aaron Sabbah was arrested on a count of attempted extortion after his $167,000 Mercedes-Benz had been repossessed.
The incident occurred after his former mechanic, Michael Monajed, had taken the car out on a joy ride without his consent, and was pulled over by police mid-cruise.
Even though the outstanding balance on the car was the reason behind its repossession, the owner was in no way pleased with the mechanic's antics. Instead of handling it through the court system, Sabbah decided to intimidate Monajed with a 14" dong. He showed up to Monajed's shop armed with the colossal toy, and rhythmically smacked the dildo into his palm as a way of letting him know that it was "time to pay the price." Monajed fled the building unharmed, but immediately contacted authorities. This is documented text from the court hearing:
"What is the alleged arm?" Magistrate Eve Wynhausen asked.
"It's a black dildo, your honor," prosecutor Christian Hearn said.
What we would give to be a fly on the wall in that courtroom! On second thought, it was probably for the best. We would've lost it and been escorted off the premises in uncontrollable fits of laughter.
5The woman who entered a bar brawl wielding a dildo in each hand
Why is it that we always end up missing the good stuff?
A brawl took place at a local bar in Grafton, Australia after two female patrons accidentally bumped into each on the dance floor. Okay, this doesn't seem that unusual—it happens all the time, right? In fact, the incident was broken up in a matter of seconds, and everything went back to normal until the ladies saw each other exiting the pub. Once again, the sh*t hit the fan.
In the middle of the commotion, onlookers were shocked to see a third woman swoop in like a bat out of hell. She decided that she wanted a piece of the action. Witnesses claim that woman pushed through the crowd wielding a dildo in each hand and began threatening people that weren't involved. A few bystanders tried to find out what her deal was, but no explanation was ever given as to the reason for her presence.
One question that should have been asked, however—who carries around two dildos on their person at all times? And were the suckers clean? As much as we'd like to think that they were, our hearts lead us to believe something entirely different.
6The woman who turned her dildo into a nightstick and proceeded to use it on her boyfriend
A Floridian by the name of had managed to rake up assault & battery charges during a dispute with her live-in boyfriend of five months. During the alcohol-fueled situation, Calvert repeatedly poked her lover in the groin with her vibrator. After who knows how long, Kimberly's boyfriend decided that enough was enough and opted to have her arrested.
7The burglars who attempted to extort information from their victim through the use of a penis pump
In 2015, Steve Graham and Ryan Gundy forced their way into the home of William Hughes in search of cash and hard drugs (more specifically, heroin.) After coming up short, they questioned the victim as to the whereabouts of his stash. He denied being in possession of any drugs, and that's when things turned violent.
While Hughes was telling the truth (no drugs were ever found), the men did stumble across an arsenal of sex toys. The pair forcefully sat the victim in a chair and mercilessly began beating him with a penis pump that was part of his collection.
After they had fled, Hughes contacted authorities with the help of a neighbor. The criminals were soon identified, and each was given 27 months behind bars.
8The disgruntled lover who sent his ex-girlfriend a pipe bomb in the form of a dildo
Terry Allen Lester was struggling to come to terms with a relationship that turned sour and inevitably resulted in a breakup. But instead of letting it go and moving on with his life, he had something much bigger up his sleeve.
Lester converted a sex toy into a homemade pipe bomb and presented it to his ex-girlfriend as a Christmas gift. He even took the time to add little details, like lovingly writing "Merry Christmas B*tch" on the packaging.
Lester was real-life McGyver who constructed the bomb with a vibrator, gunpowder, buckshot, and wiring that would detonate the crafty device while it was officially "in use." Luckily, a fatal crisis was averted after he carelessly informed his roommates (who were also women) of his plan.
The women notified police, who then alerted the bomb squad. They were able to locate and diffuse the weapon fairly easy. Lester, on the other hand, was arrested and now faces ten years minimum in jail.
9The teacher who told his students to text him pictures of their parent's sex toys for extra credit
A popular teacher at Encinal High School in Alameda, California recently landed himself in hot water. He jokingly told his students that if they located their parent's sex toys and texted selfies with them to his phone, they'd receive extra credit towards their grades.
Several of the students have come to the teacher's defense by stating that the suggestion was merely a joke, but many parents didn't consider it to be the least bit funny. The school has launched an investigation of the teacher's conduct, and he has been relieved of his duties.
Real or not, that's one extra credit project we'd have to pass on. Who would willingly scar themselves for life after finding out what kind of kinky things their parents might be into? Not us—some things you just can't come back from.
10The Public Service Announcement that boldly compared sex toys to guns
In 2014, the Internet was briefly sent into what could be considered another routine frenzy after a Public Service Announcement boldly comparing sex toys to firearms was released.
The ad features two kids casually playing in the background and having a "sword" fight while their mothers talk. The intense brawl makes its way to the front yard. The women share a look of utter shock as it's discovered that the boys had raided their mom's toy chests. The commercial includes the slogan "if they can find it, they'll play with it" and abruptly ends.
Many found the ad to be humorous, but as with everything in life, each response is matched by another that doesn't share the same sentiment. What do you think? Did the ad do a good job of making its point or was it all just a bit too much?