1The man who killed his stepfather with a wedgie
On December 21, 2014, 34-year-old Brad Davis got into an altercation with his stepfather, Denver St. Clair, 58. Both men were reported to have been drinking, and as Davis later told the Oklahoman, he was “defending myself in a fight that got out of hand and went too far. Davis, a McLoud, Oklahoma resident, struck St. Clair and head-butted him in the face.
Davis allegedly asphyxiated the man by pulling the elastic band from St. Clair's underwear over his head while the two were fighting. He told authorities he gave his stepfather an “atomic wedgie,” which rendered him unconscious. He also allegedly took some photos with his phone before the “atomic wedgie” had occurred, and after.
Davis pleaded guilty to first-degree manslaughter in the death of his stepfather. His lawyer chalked the wedgie up to Davis' being “just tired of taking it. He had been bullied all his life by this guy.”
2The politician who missed out on a vote because of his underwear
We've heard all kinds of excuses for politicians not getting things done, but this one might be one of the most bizarre.
In February 2015, MP Pat Martin, a member of Canada's House of Commons, drew laughs and cheers when he explained his absence during a vote. He forfeited his vote due to his the tightness of his underwear.
Martin told the House Speaker with amazingly deadpan delivery, “I can blame it on a sale that was down at Hudson's Bay [store]. They had men's underwear on for half price. I bought some that were clearly too small for me. I find it difficult to sit for any length of time, Mr. Speaker." Marti apologized for his absence and said that he “did not mean to forfeit his right to vote.”
A shocked Deputy Speaker Joe Comartin said, “How do I deal with that? I have no briefing on this type of motion." Touché, Mr. Comartin, touché.
In the end, Comartin ruled that Martin's vote would stand. Twitter then exploded with Martin jokes.
3The woman who was arrested for having four pounds of cocaine in her Spanx
You've all heard the expression never judge a book by its cover, right? This saying could apply to 70-year-old Olive Fowler, a.k.a. “The Spanx Smuggler.”
In April 2015, Fowler was traveling from Georgetown, Guyana to JFK International Airport on a non-immigrant visitor's visa and was selected for an examination by U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers. An investigator reported that Fowler “was sweating profusely and avoiding eye contact with the officers.”
The officers “felt a dense, hard material under the defendant's clothes in the area of her groin and buttocks.” Upon further inspection, the officers found two pairs of compression shorts over her underwear. They garments held nearly two kilos (about four pounds) of cocaine that has a street value in excess of $73,000.
The Spanx Smuggler was arrested on a felony narcotics charge and was taken into custody.
4The man who was arrested for attaching underwear to the cars of random women
According to police in the Japanese prefecture of Waykama, 48-year-old Yoshikazu Kabe allegedly affixed several pairs of underwear to the vehicle of a 22-year-old woman between March 3-4, 2014.
Kabe, who works in the transportation business in Wakayama City, admitted to the crime and said that he has no relation to the woman whatsoever. There were at least four similar incidents in the same city between March and May of that year that authorities feel may be connected.
5The man who was arrested for stabbing a goat while wearing a bra and panties
In May 2011, 19-year-old Mark L. Thompson of Alum Creek, West Virginia was found standing near a neighbor's pygmy goat in his bedroom while wearing a bra and panties. The goat, a male named Bailey, had at least one stab wound. Thompson told police that he was “high on bath salts.”
Thompson's neighbor, Lisa Powers, bought the goat as a gift for her grandson a few days earlier. Powers' nephew got a call from a neighbor saying the goat was in Thompson's house and went over to retrieve it.
When the nephew and two others arrived at Thompson's bedroom door, he allegedly said, “Don't come in, I'm naked.” When they opened the door, Thompson was standing near the goat with his pants down. The goat was dead, and there was blood everywhere. It was just a scene."
The whacked-out-of-his-mind goat stabber made a break for the door but was eventually captured by the police in the local woods. He was charged with cruelty to animals.
The police reported that Thompson had been on bath salts for about three days.
6The woman whose bras decided her fate
Strangely enough, a bra can be a lifesaver – or maybe not.
In February 2015, Ivete Medeiros from the Brazilian city of Belém, was struck by a round of bullets as she left a supermarket to investigate commotion unfolding in the street outside. CCTV reveals the woman being helped back into the store by her husband for medical assistance. She soon realized that she wasn't bleeding, but she felt a “little burning sensation” and discovered a bullet lodged in her bra. The underwire in her bra stopped the bullet's impact.
On the flip side of the coin, Berbel Zummer's bra was a factor in her death. She was walking through a park in Austria during a 1995 storm wearing a wire-enforced bra under her clothes. The metal in her bra attracted a bolt of lightning that killed her instantly.
7The bionic sports bra that loosens or tightens with the wearer's activity level
I've heard of bras offering support, but this takes things to another level!
Researchers at the University of Wollongong in Australia have been busy developing a bra that is equipped with sensors and newly customized fibers that allow it to tighten or loosen depending on breast movement. For example, if a wearer of the “Bionic Bra” is out for a leisurely stroll, the bra will be relaxed, but if the wearer is jogging, it will constrict. Now, that is one smart bra!
For now, the undergarment remains a prototype. But researchers are still looking for a way to integrate their technology into a functional and comfortable bra.
8The bra that Tweets to promote breast cancer awareness
Speaking of smart bras and bras that could save your life, how about a bra that could potentially be both?
In 2013, Nestle created a bra for Breast Cancer Awareness Month that sent Tweets to the person wearing the bra, reminding followers to examine their breasts for cancer every time the clasp of the bra is unhooked.
The bra's clasp is fitted with a sensor that contains a Bluetooth transmitter. When the clasp is unhooked, and the connection is broken, it sends a signal to the user's mobile device, generating an automatic Tweet.
The National Breast Cancer Foundation says women should check their breasts for signs of cancer, including changes in color and unusual lumps, at least once a month.
9The theme park workers who couldn't wear their own underwear
Before 2001, Disney theme park workers weren't allowed to wear their own underwear if they were in costume because it tended to bunch up and become visible. We wouldn't want Minnie's granny underwear to create panty lines, now would we?
Instead, cast members were issued company jock straps, cycling shorts or tights, which they had to hand in at the end of the day to be washed with their costumes. When they returned, they would pick up a new set of briefs.
Disney character-clad employees can now take their undergarments home each night instead of relying on the company to clean their laundry. The agreement follows complaints about pubic lice and scabies from Disney-laundered underwear. (Which, unfortunately, has happened a few times. Jiminy Cricket!)
10The football player who went from stealing underwear to endorsing them
In October 2014, Dallas Cowboys backup running back Joseph Randle was arrested for shoplifting in a Frisco, Texas mall. The athlete was accused of attempting to steal underwear and cologne from a Dillard's department store.
In the span of less than a week, Randle went from stealing underwear to becoming a spokesman for it. MeUndies – a Los Angeles based lifestyle brand that is transforming how people perceive and purchase their underwear – is now partnering with the athlete.
MeUndies is paying Randle enough to help defray the cost of the $29,500 fine the Cowboys imposed on him after he was caught shoplifting.
Now, how's that for support?