10 Lamest Excuses For A Crime

1"This prostitute was going to show me where to buy tomatoes!"

Where do you find good tomatoes these days?

In 2013, UK police discovered a known sex worker waiting inside a car. The car's owner, Muhammad Ikhlaq, was nearby getting cash from an ATM. When questioned, Ikhlaq told cops the money was for tomatoes and that the woman was going to show him a good place to buy them.

"I've heard some excuses before, but in the 10 years that I have been a police officer I have never heard a of a kerb crawler covering up his crimes by claiming to be buying tomatoes," Walsall police's PC Stacey Paterson told the BBC.

Ikhlaq was found guilty of soliciting and fined 400 pounds (about $665).

2"I was looking for members of ISIS"

Well, she does look like an ISIS survivor.

After being arrested for stealing items from students' cars at a high school, Lisa Carol Roche, a woman from Mississippi, had a perfectly reasonable explanation – she was searching for members of the terrorist organization ISIS.

Aren't we all looking for ISIS? Well, the Jackson County Police weren't, or at least not at a high school. Roche was taken to jail and held without bond pending an initial court appearance.

3"Child porn on my computer? My cat did it!"

Cat these days. They grow so fast.

In 2009, Florida detectives were doing online investigations and discovered that 48-year-old Keith Griffin downloaded over 1,000 pictures of child porn. Some of the victims were as young as eight years old.

When confronted, Griffin told police that he often left the room whenever he was downloading music, and upon his return, behold, there were these strange images on his computer. He stated his cat would jump on his computer keyboard and download images of children.

Oh yes, he said that. The cat downloaded over 1,000 images...from file-sharing programs!

4"Ever since I was scratched by a wolf, I go on the attack when the moon's out!"

Just like Shakira. Awhooooooooooooooooo!

After drinking copious amounts of vodka, a man from Ohio started fighting with people and kicked a dog cage. A few hours later, deputies found him passed out inside a trailer filled with knives, swords and other edged weapons.

When asked about the incident, the 20-year-old told Lorain County sheriff's deputies he had been "scratched by a wolf" in a trip to Germany and now "goes on the attack when the moon's out."

Police found a passport in his pocket confirming he had visited Germany, so we'll never know.

5"I'm Mahatma Gandhi's incarnation!"

"My religion is based on truth and non-violence."

In 2003, Raj Ballabh attempted to kill a man near near Rajghat, New Delhi, India. In his plea, Ballabh had no better explanation than saying he was suffering from a delusional disorder that led him to believe that he was an incarnation of Mahatma Gandhi and that he "believed somebody was going to kill him."

Unlike Gandhi, Raj almost killed someone, so he was sentenced to seven years in jail and a fine.

6"I was an Elf in a role-playing game!"

Looking good with that sword, Mr Boyd.

In 2007, Robert Boyd, a man accused of a stealing underwear from a Belfast shop in a knifepoint raid, told the court he had been involved in a role-playing game at the time, and his character was an elf named "Beho."

He told the defense that within his small social circle he had been participating in a game known as "Shadowrun," where the assumed characters were criminals, and his was a shaman, or "magical elf," who carried a small Japanese sword as a weapon.

However, prosecutors claimed Mr. Boyd knew "perfectly well" what he was doing and was "using this memory loss scenario to avoid answering very difficult questions."

7"I was trying to roll up the car window!"

Oh, there you are!

In 2009, after hearing a car's alarm three times, security guards found 28-year-old Weston Reynolds rifling through the glove compartment of a Honda Civic at a garage in Hayes Valley, San Francisco.

But wait! Reynolds had an explanation. He happened to be walking by, and saw the unlocked car with the window down, He thought he'd be a Good Samaritan and, you know, roll it up. However, the car had automatic windows, so he went through the glove compartment looking for the owner's contact information in order to alert him or her to the problem. Wouldn't you do the same thing?

In a bizarre twist, he also called the car owner's emergency roadside assistance number, which he had found in the paperwork. Such a nice guy. Police discovered he was on active parole for grand theft at the time of his arrest, and he later admitted that he had used methamphetamine the night he undertook his act of concerned citizen.

In the end, the jury only convicted him of a lesser charge, misdemeanor vehicle tampering, following a two-day trial, so by now he's probably free to keep "helping out" other San Francisco car owners.

8"This is part of the new BATMAN movie!"

Christopher Nolan is missing this guy.

In 2011, a man in Pittsburgh wearing a black and gold tank top tried to carjack another man's Chevrolet Impala. The car's owner turned out to be a police detective, who pulled out his gun and arrested him.

What was the best excuse he could think of? The Batman movie "The Dark Knight Rises" was filming about 250 miles away, so he said he was involved in the Batman film and taking the car was part of the story.

Micah Calamosca, 21, was arrested and charged with two crimes –  as the detective found out he was also being searched for another crime.

9"We took it because an ad said it was a FREE house!"

"Free" as in "stolen."

In 2011, a couple was charged with burglarizing a home in South St. Paul, Minnesota. The victim said she was putting her kids to bed upstairs when she heard someone in her house. When she went downstairs, she discovered a couple running out the back door and called the police. They stole a tool box, a laptop computer, a desktop computer, various tools and wires and a large blue duffel bag containing a woman's purse and various items.

When Charles and Pernella Bull were arrested, they told police that a friend informed them the house was listed as a "free" on Craigslist. Pernella said entered the house and asked “Is anyone here?” but got no response. She said she assumed the place was "vacant," and starting taking items and giving them to her husband outside. Because, you know, everything was "free."

Just to make sure, an officer did search for the victim's house on Craiglist under the free section, and couldn't find it.

10"I was going 103mph? I couldn't tell, I'm dyslexic!"

The. thing. funny. dyslexia. about. is.

In 2010, Matthew Cook was spotted weaving in and out of traffic. A concerned driver dialled 999 and officers clocked the 40-year-old doing 103mph on a 60mph limit UK road.

When the officers questioned about his driving, Cook claimed he did not realize he was going so fast because he is "dyslexic." Unsurprisingly, police were skeptical about Cook's explanation and banned him from driving for three years.