German Lawnmower’s Cries for Help Thwart Robbery

  • The police weren't able to apprehend the would-be thief.
  • It's unknown if the lawnmower sustained injuries during the robbery attempt.

If you’re of a particular generation, you’ve sustained permanent trauma from the animated film Brave Little Toaster when it comes to getting rid of broken appliances. For those of you lucky enough not to have the movie as part of your childhood VHS collection, allow me to share the suffering. The movie follows a handful of broken/out-of-date appliances who feel abandoned by their owner. The movie’s climax takes place in a junkyard where a well-adjusted young man has his life saved by a toaster who jumps into a giant gear system to stop a garbage crusher. 

 


Try throwing out a broken toaster after watching the movie. You can’t. We’re all hopelessly, emotionally bonded to our Roombas. Our collective destiny is to become hoarders who feel responsible for letting old vacuum cleaners know they’re loved. Even if they’re no longer functional. 

The Brave Little Lawnmower

Photo by Eliza Diamond on Unsplash

In Germany this week, a lawnmower took attachment parenting to the extreme, foiling a robbery because of its existential fear of being separated from its owner. The mower sent a text message to its owner, letting it know it’d been flipped upside down. An unusual notification from a yard appliance alone in the garage, the owner went out to check that everything was on the up-and-up. 

 

Instead of discovering hijinks with his top-of-the-line mower bullying his push mower, there was a thief, carrying the lawnmower away under his arm. Caught redhanded, the thief dropped the mower and ran off into the night. The unnamed man called the Lippstadt police, but they could not apprehend the criminal. 

 

Uhm, who knew lawn robots were a thing? It’s not such a leap to look at a Roomba and say, “What about one of those, but for lawns?” So there’s a whole line of lawn robots just waiting to help catch would-be thieves mid-heist. 

I’m Selling the Movie Rights

Photo by Jon Sailer on Unsplash

To be honest, the product seems like a villainous appliance. In the world of Brave Little Toaster, one of these sleek lawn robots would definitely bully an old vacuum cleaner. They also seem primed for a Stephen King novel. The man may be the master of suspense, but he also writes plenty, not great stuff. A murderous lawn robot possessed by the spirit of an old groundskeeper seems well within his wheelhouse. 

 

More horrifying and realistic is the likelihood of accidentally obliterating a rabbit nest full of babies, making you a villain ala Watership Down. 

 

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