- How long would you have lasted in any of these situations?
If you like doing something, you won’t mind spending a lot of time on it. But sometimes people do weird things for a ridiculously long time, even if they don’t particularly enjoy it.
Why? Because they can. Or perhaps they just don’t have a choice.
Here are nine world records for doing something for a bizarrely long time. Some of these people did what they did on purpose, but others were victims of circumstance.
9. Longest Streak of Hiccups
Whenever you get the hiccups, you just can’t wait for them to end. We’re pretty sure Charles Osborne felt that way, too.
His attack of hiccups began in 1922. It kept going for the next 68 years.
Over the period, Osborne hiccuped an estimated 430 million times. He also married twice and fathered eight children — hiccupping all the while.
That is, until one morning in February 1990, when his hiccups suddenly stopped. We’re not so sure we could’ve been able to bear it as long as Osborne did.
8. Longest Stand-Up Comedy Show
American comedian David Scott — also known as the Midnight Swinger — has spent the longest time making people laugh. Or at least attempting to.
He holds the record for the longest stand-up comedy show given by a single individual. He performed for 40 hours and 8 minutes straight between April 29-30, 2013.
The show was hosted at the Diamond Jo Casino in Dubuque, Iowa. Wonder if he had the same audience for the entire time.
7. Longest Time Spent Living on Top of a Pole
Here’s a record that combines impressive feats with a history lesson. Simeon Stylites, a Syrian Christian ascetic who lived in the 5th century, spent 37 years living on a small platform on top of a high pole.
Simeon performed his feat as an exercise to shed off all worldly ties and experience a closer connection to God. He was once ordered to come down from the pole when monastic elders suspected he was doing the whole thing to gather glory for himself.
So, Simeon came down. Impressed by his humility, the elders allowed Simeon to climb back up onto his platform.
It might be tempting to brush this story off as a historical tall tale. But hey, it’s officially recognized.
6. Longest Time to Dunk a Biscuit
You usually don’t want to dunk a biscuit (or a cookie) for too long. After all, your treat will get all soggy and disintegrate.
Yet, Japanese comedian Cherry Yoshitake somehow managed to spend 5 minutes, 17 seconds dunking a single biscuit.
Try as we might, we couldn’t find more details about this record. Did he keep the biscuit in his drink for five minutes? Or he did just do everything in really slow motion?
5. Longest Time Trapped in an Elevator
On December 28, 1988, Kively Papajohn from Cyprus was returning to her apartment from grocery shopping. However, the elevator malfunctioned and the 76-year-old was trapped — for the next six days.
She was lucky that she had a full bag of groceries with her. Papajohn managed to stave off dehydration by rationing out the fruit and bread she had purchased.
Engineers finally let her out of the elevator on January 2. We couldn’t find out whether she took the stairs after the incident.
4. Longest Time Spent Kissing a Car
Look, we don’t know how to explain this record, so we won’t. On October 14, 2013, Ernesta Hernandez Ambrosio and Jesús Juárez Vite from Mexico spent 76 hours kissing a car.
We have just too many questions about this. Why did they do it? What make of car was it? Did they use tongue?
Maybe we’re better off not knowing some things.
3. Longest Time Holding Breath Underwater (Voluntarily)
The record for the longest time spent holding his breath underwater belongs to Budimir Sobat from Croatia. On March 27, 2021, he held his breath for 24 minutes and 37.36 seconds.
He beat the previous record by a whopping 34 seconds. Sobat performed the stunt to gather support for the city of Sisak, which was demolished in an earthquake the previous year.
There’s just one thing bothering us here. It’s that word “voluntarily.” What’s the record for holding your breath underwater involuntarily?
2. Longest Time Holding Breath Underwater While Suspended Upside Down (Voluntarily)
Let’s make that previous record even more specific. On June 30, 2017, Iranian Sobhan Bahri broke the record for the longest time spent holding his breath underwater voluntarily while being suspended upside down.
Bahri held his breath for a total of 4 minutes and 40 seconds. Apparently being upside down makes the whole feat that much more difficult.
Or maybe not that many people have tried breaking this weirdly specific record.
1. Longest Masturbation Session
Masanobu Sato from Japan definitely doesn’t crank out a quick one. On May 2, 2009, he broke the world record for the longest masturbation session by spanking his monkey for 9 hours and 58 minutes.
Doing so, he broke his own previous record of 9 hours and 33 minutes.
He set the record at the San Francisco Masturbate-a-Thon. Because apparently there are contests for it.
Look, if you’re participating in a jerk-off contest and see Sato’s name on the list of competitors, just zip up and go home. You don’t hold a candle to him, let alone a penis.