- If any of these creatures takes a bite out of you, go see a doctor. If you still can.
Getting bitten by… Well, anything is not something that most people want.
But most of us will get bitten by something or other throughout our lives. Usually, that’s not a big deal — patch yourself up and you’re good to go.
That, of course, depends completely on what happens to bite you. Here’s a list of X creatures that you really, really don’t want chomping down on you.
Housecat
Who doesn’t love a cute little kitty cat? The purring furballs are undeniably adorable, but they do have a bad habit of giving you a love bite — or hate bite, depending on the cat.
But there are multiple reasons why having a cat bite you is not a good time. They have long, sharp teeth that go in deep while leaving only a small pin-prick entrance wound.
That makes cat bites very difficult to disinfect properly. As a result, as many as 80% of all cat bites end up getting infected.
And the things that infect you aren’t nice, either. Up to 90% of cats carry Pasteurella multocida in their mouths. This bacterium can quickly cause pneumonia or even brain abscesses.
They also carry Bartonella henslae, bacteria responsible for cat-scratch fever, or felinosis. It usually causes fever and swollen lymph nodes, but it could even result in bone infection.
Inland Taipan
The inland taipan is not the deadliest snake in the world. That’s not because it’s not dangerous, though — it just happens to live in the parts of Australia where people rarely go.
But may any available deity help you if you actually manage to get a bite from one. Going by dosage, the inland taipan is the most venomous snake in the world.
The taipan’s venom contains both neurotoxins and hemotoxins. In plainer words, you can expect your lungs, heart, and kidneys to stop working while you start hemorrhaging internally.
Unlike many other snakes, the inland taipan doesn’t believe in dry bites to scare a hapless human. Instead, it pumps venom into practically every bite.
There’s a good reason for that too — its venom is tailor-made for killing warm-blooded mammals. Add to that the snake’s ridiculous biting accuracy, and you’re going to have a bad time.
Saltwater Crocodile
The saltwater crocodile has the single most powerful recorded bite of any animal in the world. Scientists with more courage than us have found out that it has a bite force of 3,700 PSI.
If that number means nothing to you, let’s put it this way. Can you bench press a pickup truck? If not, you won’t be prying those jaws open.
But the worst part of the saltwater crocodile’s bite isn’t that it just completely crushed the limb it happened to bite. The crocodile will then probably proceed to do a death roll.
A death-rolling crocodile will drag its victim underwater and quickly begin to spin around. This serves two purposes — first, it will disorient the prey, and second, it will most likely tear off the limb the crocodile’s biting.
And after swallowing the first gruesome morsel, the crocodile will come in for a second bite.
Brazilian Wandering Spider
Brazilian wandering spiders — also called armed spiders or banana spiders — are a family of large spiders. Their bodies are usually about an inch to two inches in length, but their leg span can reach seven inches.
But never mind the size, it’s their bite that you should fear. Brazilian wandering spiders are among the most venomous spiders in the world.
Their venom, containing multiple toxins, causes an amazing list of symptoms. It all begins with intense, burning pain at the bite location.
Within 30 minutes, you’ll start sweating and feeling cold, while your blood pressure and heart rate either increase or decrease dangerously. And if you happen to possess a penis, you’ll probably pop an hours-long, excruciatingly painful erection.
Oh, and they’re called banana spiders because they like to hang out in banana bunches. Sometimes they make their way around the world, traveling in banana shipments.
Mosquito
Have you gotten bitten by a mosquito? Are you still alive? Count yourself lucky.
Some scientists have named mosquitoes the world’s deadliest animal. And it’s no wonder when you consider the cocktail of diseases they can carry.
The most famous out of the bunch is malaria. In 2020, there were 241 million confirmed cases of malaria, which killed an estimated 627,000 people.
It’s not just malaria, though. The mosquito that slurped your blood could just as well carry chikungunya, dengue, Japanese encephalitis, yellow fever, or the Zika virus.
All in all, mosquitoes kill an estimated 2.7 million people every single year. Better break out the bug spray.
Human
But out of all the creatures living on the planet, you absolutely do not want to get bitten by your fellow human beings. As it turns out, our mouths are f***ing disgusting.
Research has found that human bites have higher rates of infection than bites from animals. One reason is that most people don’t rush to the ER after somebody bites them, but another is the hilarious cocktail of bacteria that lives in our mouths.
More than 700 different bacteria live on our tongues and teeth, and every person has a mix of about 50 of them. Not only that, human saliva has a very high concentration of potentially harmful microbes.
A bite from another person can result in you contracting, among others, hepatitis, herpes, tetanus, or HIV. So heed our warning — if your fellow Homo sapiens bites you, go see a doctor.