- Happy New Year and here’s a bunch of New Years jokes to start the year off on a funny note.
New Years jokes, good or bad, are the best way to start off the day and year for that matter. What do you think of these jokes?
- What was Dr. Frankenstein’s New Year’s resolution? To make new friends.
- What does a ghoul say on Dec. 31? “Happy New Fear!”
- What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1? Turns over a new leaf.
- What is the snowman’s New Year’s resolution? To chill out more. This is the ultimate when it comes to New Years jokes and Dad jokes.
- My New Year’s resolution was to drop my bad habits, but no one likes a quitter.
- What do New Year’s parades have in common with Santa Claus? No one is ever awake to see them.
- A man who had too much to drink decided to walk home on New Year’s Eve. A policeman stopped the man and asked where he was going. “I’m on my way to a lecture,” the man replied. The cop scoffed, “Who gives lectures on New Year’s Eve?” The man answered, rolling his eyes: “My wife.”
- What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve? I haven’t seen you since last year! This is the worst of New Years jokes but also the one people use most often. Boring!
- A woman took an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve. When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?” He replied, “Aha, you’ll know
tonight!” At midnight, her husband handed her a small gift-wrapped present. Excited, she opened it quickly, but was even more surprised: In it was a book titled The Meaning of Dreams. - What do cows say on Jan. 1? “Happy Moo New Year!”
- A man asks his buddy for a cigarette. His friend quips, “I thought you made a New Year’s resolution and that you don’t smoke.” The man replied, “I’m in phase one of quitting.” Confused, his friend asked, “Phase one?” The man laughed, “Yes. I’ve quit buying.”
- I made a New Year’s resolution to stop procrastinating, but I’m going to wait until next year to start. Well, this is one of the New Years jokes but the New Year is here so get to it!
- What does a jeweler do on Dec. 31? Ring in the New Year.
- Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year’s. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
- Knock knock! Who’s there? Razor. Razor who? Razor glass and toast to a happy new year.
- What do you say when bidding farewell on Dec. 31? “See you next year!” Again with the bad but often used New Years jokes.
- A man who had too much to drink decides to walk home on New Year’s Eve.
A policeman stopped the man and asked where he was going. “I’m on my way to a lecture,” the man replied. The cop scoffed, “Who gives lectures on New Year’s Eve?” The man answered: “My wife.” - What is the digital camera’s New Year’s resolution? 1080p.
What do you think of these New Years jokes? Let me know you favorites in the comments!