1The Drunk Man Who Woke to Find that He'd Bought a 10 Foot Python that was Trying to Eat his Friend
A hungover drinker woke up after a night out to be confronted by a 3m (10ft) python, that he'd bought the night before, rearing up to make a lunge at his sleeping friend. Dwayne Matthews roused himself to deal with the 14kg (31lbs) snake named Bruce, who he had bought from a gypsy during a heavy session.
He bundled the creature into a cage after covering him with a blanket. However, his brush with the predator still ended painfully when he took him to a reptile shop and landed in the dock for receiving stolen goods.
Matthews, who lives in Coventry, had planned to sell the animal for a profit to fund a guttering business. But when he went to the shop, suspicious staff called police. It turned out Bruce was one of nine snakes that were stolen from David Chance, 24.
Magistrates gave Matthews an eight-week prison sentence suspended for two years, ordered him to pay a fine, and placed him under eight weeks of supervision.
2The Man Who Woke Up with his Fling's Name Carved on His Shoulder with a Stanley Knife
A man's one night stand carved her name on his body with a Stanley knife while he was asleep. Wayne Robinson's injuries at the hands of Dominique Fisher included her name carved into his upper arm. After meeting in the Syndicate nightclub in Blackpool, the pair had a “drink-and-drug fuelled four-day fling.” However, when he woke in the morning he found that she had carved "Dominique" on his right shoulder. He also had multiple slashes on his left shoulder and arm and a star design on his back. She claimed that he agreed to the “tattoos” but Mr. Robinson said he had not consented. Wayne was so drunk that he had not felt a thing. He went to the hospital for painkillers, but he is stuck with the marks because he cannot afford laser treatment to remove them.
3The Drunk Chinese Man Who was Almost Shipped to the U.S. After Mistaking a Container at the Port for a B&B
Have you ever woken up from a crazy night of drinking inside a sealed shipping container that was just about to embark on a two-week voyage to a foreign land? Then you and Jiang Wu should swap hangover stories.
The eastern China resident somehow managed to mistake a giant container for his room at a local B&B, passing out inside. Waking up the following day, Wu realized his grave error and began phoning everyone he knew for help.
Unbeknownst to Wu, the container was exactly one hour away from being placed on a cargo ship bound for Los Angeles — a two-week trip.
Even after Wu managed to get in touch with police and conveyed his predicament, he still faced a serious race against the clock, as he was unable to identify the container that he was in.
Happily, thanks in large part to banging noises he made against the sea can, Wu was ultimately found in a container stacked some 60 feet above the ground.
4The Drunk Man Who Woke Up with a Penis Tattoo on His Leg
A man who drank a bottle of vodka in one evening and then fell asleep woke up to find a 15cm penis tattoo on his leg.
The 27-year-old Swedish man, known as Joel, claims that he recalls little of the night that led to the body art attack.
According to what can be patched together, he told a group of friends at a fast-food joint that he wanted to get a tattoo after admiring one on a friend's finger. Luckily, or unluckily, there was was a tattoo artist in the restaurant who agreed to Joel's wish.
Despite the problem, Joel said he has no anger towards the tattoo artist, since he claims that he asked for the tattoo.
5The Man Who Passed Out Drunk and Woke Up with No Penis
And you thought losing your car keys was bad.
Dominican man Geraldo Ramos told local TV station Noticias Sin that he passed out drunk and woke up with no penis.
The 64-year-old man from Santiago says he has no clue where his penis went, but neighbors told the station that Ramos was attacked by a dog when he was drunk. Ramos, however, has no recollection of this. The alleged dog has not been found.
He now has to wear a catheter and was filmed recuperating at his home.
6The Drunk Man Who Fell Asleep in Norway and Woke Up in Sweden
A drunk man fell asleep in his car in Norway and woke up in Sweden after his car was stolen by two women.
The Norwegian man - whose identity has not been revealed - had a few too many drinks while enjoying a night out in Oslo and decided to take a nap in his car, but his vehicle was stolen by two women while he was asleep. They proceeded to drive it to Gothenburg, Sweden with him in the back before dumping him.
The guy phoned the police and reported that his car had been stolen, so they gave him a bed for the night. Then the next day, he was walking to the train station and luckily spotted his car on the road.
Police arrested the two women, who were held under suspicion of taking a vehicle without the owner's consent, and brought them to the station for testing.
The man was later given the keys and allowed to drive the car back to Oslo.
7The Drunk Man Who Got a Full Body Scan After Passing Out on an Airport Conveyer Belt
You have to be pretty hammered to pass out at an airport while checking in, as in frat-boy-in-Mexico sloshed, so that you end up blacked out on a conveyer belt for luggage inspection. One Norwegian man arrived at Rome's Fiumicino Airport so drunk that he fell asleep on the aforementioned conveyer belt, where, along with his suitcases, he received a full-body X-ray scan while lying in the fetal position. By full-body, we mean the man's organs were visible. The man traveled about 55 yards (still sleeping) on the belt before he was finally spotted, setting off a security alert that caused the terminal to be closed.
8The Drunk Man Who Woke Up to the News that He had Murdered 70,000 Chickens While Drunk
Joshua Shelton is being held on $ 75,000 bail after he passed out on a farm in Delmar, MD. That seems pretty hefty for just public intoxication, right? Wrong!
Joshua Shelton is special, because he killed 70,000 chickens! To clarify, Shelton, 21, didn't actually kill the chickens individually, as that would be insane. He is accused of drinking so heavily at the farm that he couldn't tell the difference between a light switch and the circuit breakers connected to three chicken houses. So he allegedly cut the breakers, depriving the chickens of food, water, and cooling fans. Farmer Mark Shockley found all but 100 chickens dead the next morning.
Shelton was found lying in the houses' power control shed, wearing only a T-shirt and boxers and smelling of alcohol. He had reportedly been at the home for a small party that Shockley's daughter was holding and passed out in the control room.
9The Drunk Guy Who Passed Out and Accidentally Got a Free 100-Mile Train Ride
A young, drunk reveler took the very long route home when he curled up and had a snooze on a freight train car in Osnabrück, Germany. He'd been on a Saturday night bender and, in the early hours of Sunday, realized that he was too tanked to get home. When he wound up near a railway he spotted a freight train, which he climbed into and then fell fast asleep. A few hours later, he awoke when a crane operator spotted him while unloading goods from the train in Hamburg. He had traveled more than 100 miles in his stupor. Let's hope that the long walk home took care of his hangover.