- Or, accessories you probably shouldn’t buy for your vehicle.
Some car accessories are almost necessities in the modern world, like phone chargers that plug into a cigarette lighter. Others are…
Well, they’re less crucial to own.
We’ve previously looked at the bizarre features car manufacturers have incorporated into their vehicles. But things get even weirder when you get to third-party accessories.
Here are nine car accessory products that just make you ask, “Why?”
9. Thunderbolt Super De-Luxe All Weather Shield
Thunderbolt Super De-Luxe All Weather Shield is probably the most overdramatic name you could give a completely pointless car accessory. It’s a piece of clear plastic that attaches to your car window to keep the breeze off your arm.
You know, if you absolutely, positively must dangle your arm out the car window in every weather.
We love that the ad says you must fit this thing in your car — talk about confidence. Wonder why “trademark” is in quotes, though.
8. Saucemoto Dip Clip
“No more sauce-less nuggets or dry fries,” Saucomoto promises on its website. Indeed, if you’ve always wanted to easily dip your fries while driving, this dip holder is probably a godsend for you.
It’s just a fast food dip container-sized plastic frame that clips onto the AC slats. We can’t imagine being such a hardcore saucehead that you’d ever need this thing, but hey — it’s there if you do.
7. Motorway Safety Felt Cap
Before laws about false advertising, you could freely say pretty much anything about your product. For example, you could claim that the Motorway Safety Felt Cap gives you protection from head injuries.
The hat supposedly does the trick by incorporating “No. 11 anti-shock felt” into its weave. Pardon our skepticism, but somehow we don’t think it works.
Yet, the British Hat and Allied Feltmakers’ Research Association had the gall to claim it could protect against a 4,000-pound impact in a government grant hearing.
6. The Vroominator
Do you wish you had a cool V-8 sports car instead of whatever old rust bucket you drive? Well, with the Vroominator you can at least immerse yourself in the sounds of a muscle car.
This device plugs into the cigarette lighter and somehow tunes itself to the vehicle’s alternator signal. It then plays appropriately timed V-8 engine sounds through the speakers via an unused FM radio frequency.
Honestly, this whole gadget is just kind of… Sad. At least the noise won’t bother other road users.
5. Eltron Car Kettle and Carfri
The British just need to have their tea and Full English breakfast wherever they go. That’s why Eltron developed the Car Kettle and Carfri — an electric kettle and frying pan that plug into the cigarette lighter.
“But those are just useful for camping!” you say. Maybe, but the ad specifically says the gadgets grill and boil “while you drive.”
What could possibly go wrong?
4. Exhaust Burger Grill
Leave those kettles and frying pans to the Brits. As red-blooded Americans, we demand the ability to grill a hamburger while we drive!
Well, here’s the exhaust burger grill. It connects to your car’s exhaust pipe to cook a burger patty using your vehicle’s hot exhaust fumes, adding that wonderful pollution flavor to your burger.
This is just a concept product, but it apparently made the shortlist in Designboom’s “Dining in 2015” competition. The judges must’ve been huffing exhaust or something to make that decision.
3. The Dog Sack
Having your dog in the car can be a safety risk. In 1935, somebody resolved this issue in the worst way possible.
Enter the dog sack. It’s exactly what it sounds like — a sack you put your dog in and then hang outside the car door.
We probably don’t have to tell you why this product is not sold anymore. And to think the ad claimed the dog would “ride safely in this sack.”
Just look at that puppy’s face. It knows it’s going to die.
2. Velvetex
Sometimes when writing lists like this, we come across products that we just can’t explain. Velvetex from 1970 is one of those.
What is Velvetex? It’s some kind of nylon-based, suede or velvet-like covering you can attach to your car for that “hairy look.”
We have no idea who the target customer for this product is. We’re not sure we want to know.
1. Truck Nuts
At some point in the 1980s, someone decided that what their truck really needed was a ballsack hanging off the trailer hitch. Thus were born the truck nuts.
Look, we like a raunchy joke as much as the guy — perhaps even more. But why would you want a pair of testicles hanging off your car?
You know, they say men buy certain types of cars because they’re compensating for something. Somehow, we feel the truck nuts just underline the point.