- Thought you were safe in your bathroom?
You’re at your most vulnerable when answering nature’s call. That’s why most people want peace, quiet, and a safe environment to do their business.
Unfortunately, fate can conspire against you while you’re sitting on the porcelain throne. Many people have been injured and even killed through bizarre series’ of events when in the bathroom.
Here are six stories, both recent and ancient, where a visit to the toilet had a really crappy end. A fair word of warning to our more squeamish readers, you might prefer this list of cute names for baby animals.
Dunkin’s Exploding Toilet
We’re ready to bet Paul Kerouac will think twice about where he buys his donuts from now on. On January 6, 2022, he entered a Dunkin’ (the cafe previously known as Dunkin’ Donuts) in Winter Park, Florida, and went into the bathroom.
Then, for reasons unknown, the toilet exploded. The explosion not only injured but also showered Kerouac with human feces and urine.
Yet, perhaps the most shocking part was the Dunkin’ staff’s indifference. When Kerouac emerged from the bathroom asking for help, covered in numbers one and two, the staff simply told him they were aware of “problems with the toilet.”
According to Kerouac, the incident injured him both physically and mentally, cost him a fortune in medical expenses, and caused him permanent difficulty to enjoy life. Is it any wonder that he recently sued Dunkin’ for $50,000?
Honestly, it’s hard to blame him.
The Electric Throne
In 1981, Michael Anderson Godwin was sentenced to death by electric chair for the murder of Mary Royem. Two years later, however, his death sentence was commuted to life in prison.
But fate had an ironic end in store for him. In 1989, after spending six years as a “model prisoner” Godwin was fixing the television prison authorities had allowed him to keep in his cell.
For some reason, he had removed his clothes while repairing the television. As he worked, he sat down on the cell’s metal toilet.
To get some wires out of the way, Godwin decided to place them in his mouth. Tragically for him, he had neglected to unplug the TV before working on it.
The resulting electric shock, intensified by the metal toilet, killed Godwin. Ironically, he ultimately found himself sitting in an electric chair — just not the one he expected.
The Latrine Assassin
Godfrey IV, with the less-than-flattering nickname Godfrey the Hunchback, was the Duke of Lower Lorraine in the early 11th century. In 1076, his enemy Dirk V, Count of Holland, decided Godfrey had to die.
So, an assassin was hired. After observing Godfrey’s habits, the murderer-for-pay determined that the easiest way to get to the Duke was when he was using the toilet.
The assassin made his way into Godfrey’s latrine and hid inside the toilet. As the Duke sat down to relieve himself, the killer stabbed him in his behind.
It’s a matter of debate whether the killer used a spear, sword, or dagger to stab Godfrey. What’s not up to debate is the effectiveness of the attack — Godfrey died of infected stab wounds a few days later.
Crushed by a Telescopic Toilet
In the early 2000s, the city of London in England introduced a futuristic to combat late-night street urination. The city installed telescopic underground toilets that rise up to street level at night.
In January 2023, one of the toilets experienced a horrifying malfunction.
The toilet had been raised up for repairs. However, as a mechanic worked on the unit, the toilet suddenly decided it was time to go back underground.
The telescopic contraption retreated under the street, taking the worker with it. By the time rescue workers pulled the toilet back up, the man had died of his crushing injuries.
The Sunken Nazi Submarine
U-1206 was a Nazi submarine operating during World War II. In 1945, only a couple of weeks before the war in Europe ended, the submarine’s pressurized toilet system malfunctioned catastrophically.
A crewman’s careless use of the toilet ruptured the submarine’s hull, allowing seawater to flood into its battery bank. A chemical reaction between the batteries and water produced chlorine gas, forcing the crew to bring the submarine to the surface to avoid suffocation.
Yet, Allied naval forces quickly spotted the surfaced vessel. After getting bombarded, U-1206’s captain Karl-Adolf Schlitter decided to sink the submarine before surrendering.
The Vacuum Toilet of Horrors
In 1987, one woman’s vacation cruise turned into a nightmare. The 70-year-old lady had booked a cruise on the ship Pegasus that was traveling near Canada’s coast.
At some point, the woman went to use the vacuum-flushing toilet in her cabin. She hit the FLUSH button while still sitting on the toilet — which turned out to be a horrendous mistake.
There’s really no way to sugarcoat the result, so we’ll just say it. The toilet sucked several feet of the woman’s intestines right out of her body.
Miraculously, the woman survived. A medical helicopter rushed her to a hospital and she was released only 10 days later after successful treatment.