- We’re not sure if we should be asking who, when, or why.
There are so many valuable things you could steal in this world. There’s money, gold, jewelry, high-tech gadgets… Even mere information can fetch ridiculous prices when sold to the right person.
But none of those things were good enough for the Irish thieves from our story. No, they wanted something completely different.
They stole bull semen.
Two tanks containing the frozen cattle emissions recently disappeared from a farm in Northern Ireland. Needless to say, the theft has baffled the local farming community.
There are a lot of things on the farm that would be easier to steal than bull semen and can still fetch a decent price on the black market. Additionally, the semen tanks aren’t particularly easy to handle, so unless the thieves know what they’re doing, they may easily render their price sterile.
Considering the practical difficulties, maybe this is a kink thing. In which case, we really, really don’t want to know anything more about it.
Unclear Events
The theft happened at a farm in Clogher, County Tyrone, some 50 miles from Belfast. Two tanks containing doses — or “straws,” as they’re called — of bull semen disappeared from an outbuilding in which they were stored.
No one’s quite sure at this time when exactly the burglary happened, as the storage facility isn’t under any kind of active surveillance. It makes sense, though, since who in their right mind would want to steal male bull goo?
According to the BBC, the local police believe the theft took place between October 21 and 23. That’s quite a large window, but at least the cops have something to work on.
Precious, Precious Semen
Now, it’s not like the semen tanks are completely worthless. They can have “significant value,” as the police put it.
Depending on the breed and other characteristics of the bull that produced the goods, a straw of semen can sell for a high price. For example, semen from one now-deceased prize-winning Charolais bull sells for around $600 a pop.
The liquid nitrogen tanks in which the semen is stored can be valuable in themselves, too. A brand-new tank can cost nearly $2,500, but it’s unlikely the thieves will get anything near that by selling their stolen tanks.
A Hard Crime
It’s the semen that’s the valuable thing here. But the thieves better know what they’re doing or they’ll quickly ruin their loot.
The tanks they stole are small enough that they can be transported in the backseat of a regular car. That’s easier said than done, however, as vibration can easily shake their lids off.
After that, you’re dealing with a two-fold problem. First, if not well-frozen, the semen will be pretty much instantly ruined.
Second, the liquid nitrogen is going to spill out. Let’s just say, liquid nitrogen is not something you want splashing around your car.
Additionally, the tanks need to be constantly topped up with new liquid nitrogen to keep them functional. With all this said, other local farmers have no idea why the thieves decided to go after the semen.
There are so many other things on farms that would’ve been easier to steal and resell. The burglars could’ve stolen tools, ATVs — or even the bulls themselves and it would’ve been simpler on them.
As a result, no one really knows what the thieves were after, or if they even know what they stole. If not, they’re sure in for a hell of a surprise.
The Germans Did It Bigger
Strangely enough, this isn’t the first time bull semen has been stolen within the last year. Another semen heist happened in Germany in December 2022.
That one was on a whole other scale, though. In that case, the thieves stole not two, but 60 containers of semen.
If the Irish burglary was baffling, the German one is even more so. At the time, the cops speculated that the thieves must’ve had some kind of a special vehicle with a professional-grade cooling system to transport all the semen.
This just begs the question — are the crimes connected? Are we dealing with some kind of a Europe-wide bull semen-stealing criminal organization?
That’d be a first, we’re sure.