- Why does making a magic object always have to include some kind of horrendous sadism?
Double, double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble… This famous quote from Shakespeare (did you know that?) shows that you need some accoutrements to perform magic.
Some of those magical objects are pretty strange, though. You might be familiar with eyes of newt and other such things, but “real” witches and wizards have used must more bizarre and macabre objects.
Here are seven examples of unusual and creepy objects of magical power and the steps to make them. We don’t recommend trying, though — you’ll probably end up in jail.
1. Rheumatism Taters
Potatoes aren’t native to Europe, so when they made their way over to the Old World from America, people didn’t quite know what to make of them. Some people started eating them, others thought they were poisonous, and then there were those who figured that they must be magic.
Back in the day, the line between magic and medicine was blurry at best. Somebody, somehow, figured out that potatoes had the power to relieve the pain of rheumatism — an old-timey name for ailments like arthritis and gout.
All you had to do was carry the potato in your pocket or a special pouch if you wanted to be fancy. It wouldn’t heal you, but it’d absorb the pain your condition caused.
As proof of that, the potato would wither over time as it sucked in more and more pain. Because that’s how that works.
2. Pierced and Roasted Hearts
People did a lot of strange things to perform magic. But they also did some questionable stuff to counter the spells cast upon them.
For instance, in England, there was a popular way to counter a spell someone had cast on your domestic animals. Let’s say, for instance, that an evil witch has cursed your best cow and it no longer produces milk.
Well, all you have to do is carve out the cow’s heart, hammer iron nails through it, and then roast it. They know people did this because they keep finding burnt, nailed-through hearts in old fireplaces.
Seems a bit counterproductive to kill your animals to lift their curses but hey, we’re no witches.
3. Frog Coffins
Pounding nails through a deceased body part is one thing, but what about a live animal? That’s what you had to do to produce a magical Finnish frog coffin.
You’d start by carving a small coffin and a lid from alder wood. Then you’d have to catch the reddest frog you can find, because everyone knows red frogs have more magical powers than others.
Then, you’d bind the frog’s legs with twine and seal it in the coffin. Finally, you’d hammer nine nails through the coffin’s lid and the frog, and the last one has to go through the frog’s heart.
To top it all off, you need to bury the frog coffin at a powerful place (like a church’s graveyard) and pray for it as if you would for a deceased person. If all went well, you would now have stolen the luck of a more fortunate fisherman.
The Finns seem like a jealous bunch.
4. Black Cat Bones
Everybody knows witches love black cats. Some witches, though, love their bones more than the cat itself.
Of course, you can’t just go find any old cat bones for your spells. According to an old Scandinavian spellbook, known as Cyprianus or the Black Book, an enterprising witch must place a black cat in a pot of water and then boil it — while the cat is still alive.
After all the flesh falls off the bones, you can strain the… Stew. Finally, the magician must place each of the cat’s bones into their mouth.
This is all done in order to turn the magician invisible. Of course, you can’t tell when you become invisible yourself, so it’s crucial to have an assistant to let you know when you vanish from sight.
5. Dried Cats
Want to do more magic with dead cats but boiling one alive sounds a bit too much? Well, you could always perform this medieval British trick to protect your house from evil spells by preparing a dried cat.
You do have to start by killing the cat, but at least you can make it as quick and painless as you can. Then, pose the cat corpse so that it looks like it’s lunging at something, place it in a barrel or a pot, and pack the whole thing with salt.
Once the cat has mummified, you can then seal it inside the walls of your house. No evil magic can get into the house as long as the desiccated cat keeps a watchful eye on your home.
Again, we know people did this stuff from all the dried cats they’re finding inside the walls of centuries-old cottages.
6. Hand of Glory
Well, mummifying that cat sure was fun. Why not continue in the same vein by preparing the Hand of Glory, the ultimate magical tool for all burglars?
First, find a criminal who has been hanged for his crimes and cut off his left hand while he still hangs from the gallows. Then, just like with the cat, seal it in a barrel of salt and saltpeter until its bone-dry.
You can then curl its fingers, place a candle for it to hold, and light the candle. As long as the candle burns, the locks of the house you want to break into will open and its residents will fall into a deep sleep, allowing you to thieve to your heart’s content.
For even more magical power, though, you could dip the hand in wax and turn the whole thing into a candle. You know, if you’re really serious about being a successful criminal.
7. Corpse Breeches
Nabrok, or corpse breeches, is one of the most macabre magical objects since… Probably ever. These horrifying pants that bring luck and wealth to their wearer originate from Icelandic folklore.
To begin, you must make a pact with a friend, swearing that when one of you dies, the other may turn them into corpse breeches. After your buddy kicks the bucket and is buried, you must then exhume them and flay them from the waist down.
It’s very important that you don’t make any holes into the skin as you pull it off your friend’s corpse. That’s because once you’re done, you need to immediately pull their skin over your legs — like a pair of pants.
You’re not done yet, though. To activate the skin pants’ power, you must on the next day steal a coin from a penniless widow and place it in the crotch of your new trousers.
If you did everything right, money will now begin to appear in the groin of the pants. Just make sure you don’t remove the original stolen coin, or the magic will dissipate.
Oh, and don’t bother trying to ever take the corpse breeches off. You’ll just rip off your own skin with them due to the terrible demonic bargain you’ve just made.