- The moral of the story is that life in North Korea is terrible.
North Korea is probably the most repressive state on the planet. Everybody knows that the whims of the ruling Kim family dictate everything that happens in the country.
That said, not many of us realize just how ridiculously oppressive the North Korean regime is. Many things that are perfectly normal elsewhere can land you in jail — or worse.
Here’s a harebrained collection of bizarre everyday things that are crimes in North Korea.
1. Getting Online
It probably doesn’t surprise you that using the internet is a big no-no in North Korea. You absolutely aren’t allowed to go online (not that most North Koreans have a device for using the internet in the first place).
That said, in 2000, North Korea launched its own internal network called Kwangmyong (“Bright”) for government use. Additionally, certain officials can access 28 essential foreign websites, but only under constant surveillance and by using computers running the state-sanctioned Red Star OS.
Curiously, though, the Kwanmyong network isn’t completely shut off from the outside world. After all, in 2022, an irate U.S. hacker managed to crash the entire system.
2. Consuming Foreign Media
In addition to the internet, consuming any kind of foreign media is forbidden. Books, music, movies, television… Whatever it is, you’d best stay far away from it.
Unless you’re a Kim, of course. The country’s previous dictator, Kim Jong Il, was famous for his love of cinema, and his son Kim Jong Un is reportedly also a fan of foreign films.
3. Making Phone Calls
Be careful about who, when, and with what you call in North Korea. Calling the wrong person at the wrong time can easily get you executed.
And that’s with domestic calls. Calling internationally is an even bigger taboo. One government official was executed in front of a massive crowd in 2007 after phones connected to international networks were discovered in his basement.
Once again, though, it’s not like your average North Korean owns a telephone, so calling the wrong person is really a risk only for the elite.
4. Wearing Jeans
Although they’re common legwear globally, a pair of blue jeans is an inherently American thing. As such, it’s no wonder that jeans are banned in North Korea as a symbol of capitalist decadence.
The ban goes so far that jeans are blurred out in the few Western shows that are allowed to be shown in the country. Don’t believe me? It happened in a British gardening show.
5. Getting a Haircut
If your hair is getting a bit long, you must get it cut, because having a shaggy hairdo is illegal in North Korea. However, in a real catch-22, going to the barber can also be illegal.
The North Korean government has a list of 28 legal haircuts, 18 for women and 10 for men. Having any other kind of haircut is a crime punishable even by death.
And if you want to change your greenlit haircut to another? You’d better believe you need a government permit for that.
6. Owning a Microwave
Microwave meals don’t exist in North Korea — mostly because microwaves don’t exist either. Microwaves are considered an unnecessary Western luxury and are therefore banned.
In reality, though, the ban is mostly in place due to North Korea’s severe energy shortage. If everybody in the country had a microwave they could freely use, the energy supply network would likely collapse immediately.
7. Choosing Your Job
Are you good at engineering? Well, then you should get a job at… Wherever the government puts you.
In North Korea, you will work where the party tells you to work. People cannot choose their professions and are assigned their duties based on the country’s current perceived needs.
But what if you get picked for a job that really doesn’t suit your skills and you’re just no good at it? Well, let’s just say ineffective workers are easily replaced.
8. Driving
Traffic violations are severely punished in North Korea, but luckily for 99% of the population, they’ll never have to worry about it. Only senior government officials in good standing with the party (alongside their personal chauffeurs) may obtain a driver’s license.
Oh, and you must be a man to drive. Sorry, ladies.
9. Deciding Where to Live
At this point, it really shouldn’t surprise you that people can’t decide where they want to live within North Korea. They will live wherever the government tells them to live, which is usually right next to wherever you’ve been assigned to work.
And don’t even dream about living in the capital of Pyongyang. Only the elite of the party elite may live in the city. In fact, Pyongyang kind of works as a gauge of your public standing — the farther away you’re sent, the less the party likes you.
10. Disrespecting the Kim Family
Naturally, you absolutely, positively, indubitably shouldn’t badmouth members of the Kim family. However, any perceived disrespect toward is a serious crime.
That extends to the portraits of Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong Il, and Kim Jong Un that North Koreans are required to hang in their homes. The pictures must be kept perfectly clean, and they should be the first thing you save from your house in case of an emergency.
Case in point, in 2020, a mother reportedly faced a jail sentence when she saved her children over the portraits when her house caught fire.
11. Not Paying Attention to Kim
You must revere the portraits in your home, but you should venerate the real-life Kims even more. Whenever the Supreme Leader speaks on television or radio, everyone listens attentively — because the consequences of not doing so are dire.
In 2015, an overworked and exhausted government official made the fatal mistake of nodding off during Kim Jong Un’s speech. For his transgression, he was reportedly executed with an anti-aircraft cannon in front of a more than 100-strong crowd.
It’s hard to verify any stories like this coming out of North Korea, so take it with a grain of salt. It sure sounds plausible, though.
12. Smiling and Laughing
Even basic emotions are subject to state control in North Korea. Take, for example, laughing and smiling. It can be illegal, depending on the day.
One of the worst days for hilarity in the country is July 8, the anniversary of the death of Kim Il Sung, the first North Korean dictator. The government expects its subjects to spend this day mourning for their lost supreme leader. Any expression of joy during the day will get you sent to a labor camp or (if you’re lucky) summarily executed.
13. Leaving
Man, living in North Korea sucks. But perhaps the worst part of it is that you can’t get out.
North Korean citizens may not leave the country. Ever. In any situation. The only individuals who may occasionally get to travel abroad are party officials accompanying Kim Jong Un on his rare international trips.
That said, you’ve certainly heard news stories about defectors trying to jump across the border to South Korea. I’m not going to get into the details about what happens to you and your family if you’re caught.
14. Not Voting
Considering that North Korea is a draconian, authoritarian nightmare state, you might be surprised to learn that it has elections. And citizens must vote in those elections or face severe punishment.
They don’t really have any options on the ballots, though. Usually, for each open position, there’s a single candidate appointed by the ruling party.
North Korea isn’t the only dictatorship with insane crimes. Check out these 10 mindboggling laws enacted by Turkmenistan’s (ex-)dictator.