- Want some pointless gadgets? Look no further!
Some inventions change the world by resolving a problem countless peoples struggle with. Others do not.
In fact, it seems that sometimes people make products for nobody. They seem to serve such a niche purpose that you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who could possibly need them.
Such gadgets have existed since time immemorial, but they have really come to their own with the modern tech and AI boom.
Here are 11 pieces of tech that solved problems absolutely nobody had.
1. Wi-Fi Enabled Toaster
Have you ever wished your toaster was connected to the internet? Someone must have (I suppose), because the Tineco Toasty One exists.
Now, this “smart” toaster doesn’t actually do anything useful with a Wi-Fi connection, like letting you turn it on remotely. Instead, it connects to the internet to toast your bread to even brownness with AI-powered precision.
That is, until whichever cloud service this thing connects to goes down and renders it useless.
Problem Solved: Not having AI toast your bread.
2. Judgmental Water Bottle
It’s important to stay hydrated, and one of the best ways to encourage people to maintain healthy habits is positive. The HidrateSpark smart water bottles take a different approach.
They’ll send you nagging, passive-aggressive notifications on your phone when it’s time to take a sip, which I assume the developers thought would be funny. There’s value in a water bottle that reminds you to hydrate, but you really don’t need it to be a d*** about it.
Problem Solved: Feeling too good about staying hydrated.
3. Bluetooth Fork
Everything must be connected to the internet these days — even your fork. The HAPIfork uses Bluetooth to connect to an app that monitors how fast you’re eating.
Scarf down your food too fast and the fork vibrates to remind you to slow down. Not only is its function nigh-useless, but do you really want your fork to come with all the potential security risks of a half-assed Bluetooth app?
Problem Solved: Eating too enthusiastically and data-securely.
4. USB-connected Pet Rock
Pet rocks were a stupid fad in the 1970s, but tech geeks have found a way to make them even stupider. Here’s a pet rock with a USB port so that you can connect it to your computer.
And what does it do? Nothing. Not a damned thing. It doesn’t blink, it doesn’t vibrate, it can’t even draw power.
It’s a rock with a non-functional USB port.
Problem Solved: Not having a rock plugged into a USB port.
5. Mirror That Tells You You’re Tired
Nerds with too much time on their hands have developed a DIY smart mirror. Equipped with face recognition tech, it can scan your face and display information from your other smart devices, such as how well you’ve slept.
So, the magic mirror on the wall will tell you that you look tired and exhausted. Thank you, dear mirror, I was already well aware of that fact.
Problem Solved: Not getting reminded of how exhausted you are.
6. App-controlled Egg Tray
Ugh, opening the fridge door is just so much work. If only there was a gadget with Wi-Fi capability and a smartphone app that could tell me how many eggs are in my fridge.
Well, there’s the Wink Egg Minder. I guess it serves its purpose if you habitually forget to check whether you need eggs before you go grocery shopping.
Problem Solved: Having to open your fridge.
7. Selfie Toaster
Did you think the pointlessly web-connected toaster was the dumbest toasting machine ever? You haven’t heard of the Burnt Impressions toaster.
These custom-delivered toasters will burn your face into every piece of bread you put in them. And it costs more than $100. If you’re self-centered enough to need this thing, consider therapy.
Problem Solved: Your breakfast didn’t feed your narcissism.
8. Smart Rubber Duck
Ah, the good old rubber duck, the highlight of every bath. Even this venerable floater hasn’t been spared the intrusion of smart technology.
Here’s Edwin the Duck. It has a bath timer, water temperature meter, and it can act as a controller for simple on an iPad.
Now, here’s the thing. You probably outsource monitoring your child’s bath to a duck whose software could crash at any moment. Also, please make at least bath time an app-free moment — if only so your device doesn’t take a surprise bath as well.
Problem Solved: Not having enough analytics data of your bathing.
9. Self-adjusting Belt
Thanksgiving is coming up and eating too much is inevitable. Meet the MeBelly smart belt that automatically adjusts itself to fit your engorged stomach after a big meal.
I suppose adjusting your belt yourself is just too embarrassing. Frankly, the most shocking thing about this belt is that its Kickstarter actually got funded. Curiously, though, the developer seems to have gone quiet after the funding goal was hit…
Problem Solved: Being too self-conscious to loosen your belt after overeating.
10. Wi-Fi Heater Mug
Cold coffee is gross (unless its cold brew, then everyone loves it). The Ember smart mug keeps your joe warm with its internal heater that you can control through a phone app.
Look, I get it, you want to drink your coffee warm. So drink it. That, or just stick it in the microwave instead of wasting almost $100 on this pointless thing.
Problem Solved: Heating coffee like a peasant.
11. Smart Umbrella
Oh no, it’s starting to rain and you forgot your umbrella! You will never have to worry about that again with the Davek Alert, an umbrella that notifies your phone if you forget it!
That is, if you remembered to charge your phone. And charge the umbrella. And install the mandatory software updates. And it hasn’t unpaired itself from your phone. And you’re in a place where you have data connection.
All of which seem the kind of things a person who constantly forgets their umbrella might struggle with.
Problem Solved: Not remembering your umbrella if you remember to do everything else to keep it running.