Great Tweet: Mars is a lot like Arizona… red, desolate, everyone's obsessed w/ trying to find aliens. Also, I regret visiting both.
2Bronx Zoo's Cobra (@BronxZoosCobra)
Great Tweet: Mice for dinner again? Can't we be a little more creative in here people? Could really go for a Bloomin' Onion. Never get appetizers.
3Fresco Jesus (@FrescoJesus)
Great Tweet: THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN YOU REALIZE THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS LOOKS LIKE A HAIRY BLOW-UP DOLL
4The Dark Lord (@Lord_Voldemort7)
Great Tweet: Lance Armstrong stopped fighting the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency & will have his 7 Tour de France medals stripped. They destroyed his horcruxes!
5Dr. Tobias Funke (@drtobiasfunke)
Great Tweet: Accidentally stuffed christmas stocking into the wash. You can imagine how surprised I was when I pulled out my load and saw a pink sock!
Great Tweet: Rock beats Scissors. Paper beats Rock. Scissors beats Paper. Nothing beats a Blowjob.
7Jesus Christ (@Jesus_M_Christ)
Great Tweet: I admit it. I tried communion once. I taste really bland.
8The Batman (@God_Damn_Batman)
Great Tweet: Horrible experiences make you stronger. Like your parents getting murdered. Or having AT&T.
9Darth Vader (@darthvader)
Great Tweet: Come on Mega Millions, Annie's clone army needs 2,300,000 new pairs of shoes.
10Cobra Commander (@CobraCommander)
Great Tweet: The CobraCare health care plan is quite simple. You pay me money and I don't kill you.
11The Universe (@theunIverse)
Great Tweet: SPEAKING OF TATTOOS, GOD DO I REGRET HAVING THE HORSEHEAD NEBULA MADE. WHAT WAS I THINKING?
12Big Ben (@big_ben_clock)
Great Tweet: BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG
13Fake AP Stylebook (@fakeapstylebook)
Great Tweet: As "Mexcellence" is taken by El Pollo Loco, we recommend "Hispaniriffic" and "Chicano-a-go-go" as alternatives.
Great Tweet: Candy box contents: Caramel (20%); Coconut (15%); Weird creamy things someone pushed their finger into and left there (65%) #LoveStats