- I’m putting together a special team. A very, very special team.
A dastardly villain is demolishing the city! Quickly, assemble a team of superheroes!
What, the Avengers are busy? What about the Justice League? Them too?
Oh well, suppose we’ll have to throw together our own superhero team. Animals are well-known for their superpowers, so we’ll go with the most heroic critters.
What, those animals are busy, too? Fine, let’s just take all the weirdoes that are left.
This city is doomed.
1) Dung Beetle — Hulking Strength
Every superhero team needs that one meathead brawler whose entire shtick is to be stupidly strong. For our team, we’ve opted for the dung beetle.
Not the choice you’d expect, is it? Maybe you’ll change your mind when you learn that dung beetles are the strongest animals in the world relative to their body weight.
Although their strength varies by species, the strongest beetles can support 850 times their weight on their back. They can also pull objects weighing 1,141 times as much as the bug itself.
2) Sea Sponge — Regeneration
Regenerative powers are superhero staples. Although there are many animals we could’ve chosen (like axolotls and their ability to perfectly regrow severed limbs), we’ve opted for the humble sea sponge.
You can break a sea sponge down to as small pieces as you want and it’ll put itself back together as long as its cells remain intact. In fact, scientists have rendered sea sponges apart cell by cell, and they resculpted themselves one cell at a time.
Even when the researchers ripped two sponges apart on a cellular level and mixed them up, they knew which parts belonged to which sponge.
3) Gecko — Ultra Sticky (and Hairy) Fingers
Spider-Man can climb any building, so our team needs an excellent climber. Bugs might be the obvious choice, but we could only get a gecko to show up.
That’s fine, though, since geckos are able to cling effortlessly to surfaces as smooth as glass. Their secret is the incredibly sticky and surprisingly hairy pads on each of their toes.
You can’t see the hairs, though, as they are microscopically small. When pressed against the surface, the millions upon millions of tiny hairs create electromagnetic attraction that keeps the gecko glued to virtually any surface.
4) Hagfish — Super Slimer
The hagfish are ancient, jawless fish inhabiting most of the world’s oceans. They have a bizarre ability to produce ridiculous amounts of slime when threatened or agitated.
In 0.4 seconds, a foot-and-a-half-long hagfish can fill a gallon-sized container with an ultra-sticky, viscous goo. Its purpose is to clog a potential predator’s mouth and gills, and we’re sure it does just that.
The hagfish itself doesn’t get trapped in the slime flood, as it can simply tie itself into a knot and scrape off the gunk. We’re not sure how this ability will help fight super villains, but it might work simply because of how gross it is.
5) Scaly-foot Gastropod — Iron Armor
Tony Stark fashioned himself a metal armor, transforming into Iron Man. The deep-sea scaly-foot gastropod does the same to protect itself from the hellscape it lives in.
These snail-like creatures live deep, deep in the ocean around hydrothermal vents that constantly pump out boiling-hot water and toxic compounds. To keep itself safe, the gastropod builds its shell out of iron and aragonite, while its foot is also covered in hard iron-infused scales.
This creature, however, also has a big heart — literally. Its heart makes up 4% of its body volume, giving it the proportionately largest thumper out of any animal.
6) Reindeer — Changing Eye Color
Here’s a neat little party trick — ask your friends what color a reindeer’s eyes are. They might say brown or blue, and both are correct.
In summer, when there’s day-round sunlight in their northern homes, reindeers’ pupils shrink to protect their peepers. Consequently, their eyes are brown.
When the darkness of winter rolls around, the pupils expand to make the most use out of what little light there is, alongside a few other changes. As a result, reindeers’ eyes start reflecting more blue wavelengths, giving them a blue appearance.
How this helps against super villains… We don’t know, but it’s pretty cool.
7) Archer Fish — Laser Precision Spit
It’s not quite Hawkeye, but the archer fish is still quite the sniper. Instead of a bow and arrow, though, it performs incredible acts of sharpshooting through spitting.
By drawing water into its mouth and then compressing its gills, an archer fish can shoot a spray of water up to 10 feet away. The spit is super accurate, too, as the fish can hit fly-sized bugs resting on leaves.
As we said, not quite Hawkeye but impressive nonetheless.
8) Cicada — High-Pressure Pee Blast
The cicada joins our team with perhaps the most bizarre of all abilities. Would you believe that these noisy bugs have possibly the strongest stream of urine in the animal kingdom?
Well, it’s not really urine but a mix of water and honeydew. They blast the stream of waste out of their rears at a speed of 10 feet per second.
And they pee a whole heck of a lot, too, blasting every few minutes. So, if you happen to be walking in a wooded area and a few rogue drops of summer rain suddenly land on you while cicadas chirp in the trees…
Well, that ain’t rain.
9) Honey Badger — All-around Superman
In every superhero team, there’s usually that one hero whose powers make all others seem kind of useless (looking at you, Superman). In our strange animal squad, that’s the honey badger.
The honey badger, native to Africa, is a whole package. It’s ridiculously strong for its size, has a ferocious bite, sports razor-sharp claws, is immune to snake venom, it stinks to high heaven…
We could go on, but you get the point. Yet, perhaps the most noteworthy thing about the honey badger is that it knows exactly how overpowered it is.
Consequently, the honey badger is one of the most aggressive animals on the planet. It regularly picks fights with lions, buffalo, and other huge animals that have the audacity to exist in its general vicinity — and the honey badger wins.
You know what, we don’t need the rest of the animals. Just send them home and sic the honey badger on the super villain.