- Some people’s boats just start floating with things other than water.
Some people are a bit kinky. And that’s okay—as long as it’s all consensual and legal, don’t let anybody judge you.
But you can’t deny that some kinks are… Well, they’re a little unusual. Scratch that, they can get downright strange.
We’re all aware of the more common niche kinks. Yet, people are into much, much weirder stuff than that.
Here are 10 things people are into that you may not have known about. And we bet there’s at least you’ll wish you didn’t know.
1. Cars
Most everybody likes a nice car. But then there are those people who like them more than most.
Mechanophilia is the physical attraction to cars, or machines in general. In most cases, these folks get turned on by operating their vehicle of choice, from opening the throttle and feeling the engine rev.
Yet, there are also those whose lusty eyes may wander to the exhaust pipe… Weirdly enough, mechanophilia is illegal and can land you on a sex offender registry in some jurisdictions — which really raises the question of how common it is.
2. Aliens
“I come in peace,” the little green man says. To an exophile, that sounds like a fantastic time.
If you’re attracted to aliens, you experience what’s known as exophilia. Well, we should really say you’re attracted to the idea of aliens.
After all, if extraterrestrials really landed on Earth, there’s no guarantee you’ll actually want to have a close encounter of the dirty kind with them.
3. Trees
You’ve heard of treehuggers, but are you prepared for tree f***ers?
Because that’s what dendrophilia is. It tends to get a bad rap because of people trying to, uh… Hug trees in public parks.
But if you hump a tree in a forest and no one’s around to hear it, we suppose it doesn’t make a sound or leave a trace.
4. Smoke and Fog
You may be aware that some people are really into smoking, but we’re talking about tobacco here. Nebulophilia is the sexual attraction to smoke and/or fog.
It must suck to have a thing for a thing that you can’t actually get intimate with. Suppose you can always buy a smoke machine for the bedroom.
5. Stealing
Kleptomania is a thing most people know about. Kleptolagnia, however, takes the concept that one step further into the really weird territory.
These people get off on stealing something. Depending on the person, they might actually have to get away with the crime, while for others, it’s simply enough to slip something off the store shelf into their pocket.
Fun fact, if you’re not into stealing part but you do like a criminal, that’s called hybristophilia. The more you know.
6. Having Bugs Crawl on You
Look, we said we wouldn’t judge, but some kinks just make it kind of hard not to. Formicophilia is one of those.
Formicophiles love the thought or the actual sensation of insects crawling along their bodies. Some want them on their genitals, whereas others are happy as long as the bugs are on some body part.
Wonder if these people have favorite bugs. Bet they do.
7. Poetry
Listening to a well-written poem can be an exciting experience. Especially if you happen to be a metrophile.
We should be clear, not every metrophile starts breathing weirdly heavily while listening to poetry. In some (likely most) cases, metrophilia is to poetry like bibliophilia is to books — these people just really like poems.
Of course, there are also those whose loins start a-quivering when hearing a good rhyme.
8. Dirty Words
Narratophilia sounds like the literary counterpart to metrophilia. What it really is, though, is an attraction to using naughty words or telling obscene stories.
This kink can go both ways. You could get off on listening to someone swear like a sailor, or you might find it exciting to tell others just what you’d like to do to them.
Hey — if you’re either type of narratophile, we hope you find the opposite kind to be your perfect partner.
9. Saying Horrible Things to Strangers on the Phone
Telephone scatologia sounds like it might have something to do with poop. Fortunately, it doesn’t, but it’s still a pretty disturbing fetish.
Telephone scatologists get their rocks off by saying obscene and filthy things over the phone — ideally to strangers who aren’t expecting it. It’s like a really uncomfortable extreme of the active kind of narratophilia.
This is one of those cases where it’s okay to judge. Don’t do this stuff.
10. Licking Eyeballs
Last but not least on our list, we have oculolinctus. That’s a fancy term for licking someone’s eyeballs, or having yours licked.
If you’ve heard of oculolinctus before, it was likely due to the 2013 news story that claimed that eyeball licking was becoming super popular among Japanese teens. That story, however, was a hoax.
Yet, we’re sure there’s somebody out there whose mouth starts watering at the thought of a nice pair of peepers. And to you, whoever you are, we offer these words of warning — sticking a tongue to an eyeball will probably result in pink eye.
Having said that, we really hope you took that as a warning.