- Butts really get people’s imaginations running, it seems.
There’s something about butts that just fascinates us as human beings. We like to appreciate them from afar and up close — or we just like a bit of infantile humor.
Our preoccupation with our posteriors has created an entire industry of butt-based products. Some of them you actually use on or for your butt, while other just resemble them.
But what unites them all is that they’re pretty darn weird. Here are X of the strangest ones we could find — and you can buy all of them.
Butt why would you want to?
1) Bawdy Butt Sheet Mask
Do you think your booty isn’t as smooth and luscious as it could be? Worry no more — Bawdy Butt Sheet Mask to the rescue!
Heh, sheet mask. For your butt.
This thing is basically a face mask, but for your behind. It works the same way as a facial mask would — just unwrap and slap it over your cheeks for 15 minutes.
The manufacturer claims that the mask contains collagen to hydrate your butt skin and reduce wrinkles. If your desperate for the smoothest cheeks there are, give this one a try, we suppose.
2) Sol De Janeiro Brazilian Bum Bum Cream
If a butt mask sounds a bit childish to you and you’d like something more adult to care for your posterior… Well, here you go.
The Brazilian Bum Bum Cream also promises to tighten your buttocks and give you smooth, healthy skin. It claims to do that with a cocktail of natural ingredients, like coconut oil and guarana.
So yeah, it’s a moisturizing lotion for your ass. And apparently you can also get a body scrub to go with it, too.
3) F*** Bud Vase
This one isn’t supposed to go in your butt. At least, we definitely don’t recommend trying.
Instead, put some pretty flowers into the gaping opening of the F*** Bud Vase. It’s a porcelain flower vase shaped like a male figure bent over in several imaginative positions.
The thing isn’t exactly family-friendly so we can’t show you a picture of it. But you probably get the idea.
Just be careful if you go to that link. The manufacturer, Pansy Ass Ceramics, really seems to like making decorations based on human anatomy.
4) Edible Anus Chocolates
Looking for something truly unique to gift your special someone on a special day? Well, you can’t get much more unique than chocolate buttholes.
The Edible Anus chocolates are, well, exactly what it says on the label. They’re chocolates that are shaped like the human butthole.
But if that’s still not unique enough for you, good news. The company sells a home kit that you can use to make chocolates molded from your own rectum.
You know, all this just begs the question — whose butt is it on the mass-produced chocolates?
5) Shreddies Fart Filtering Underwear
For those whose, uh, emissions are a bit too foul for the public health, the help is near. All you need is slip on a pair of Shreddies.
These fart filtering underpants feature a layer of activated carbon cloth sandwiched between two layers of regular fabric. Supposedly, the filtering material will remove the malodorous elements when let you one rip, eliminating the stench.
The company makes smell-reducing undies for both ladies and gents, so nobody has to stink anymore. They even have a filtering pillow for your chairs, and fart-proof bedsheets.
Did this company’s founder have some serious gastrointestinal issues or what’s the deal?
6) Swarovski Crystal Butt Plug
Butt plugs are fairly common sex toys — and hey, if that floats your boat, go for it. But this Swarovski Crystal butt plug seems a bit extravagant.
I mean, what’s there for us to say? It’s a butt plug with a genuine Swarovski crystal on it, and it costs $130.
Maybe this is for you if you require luxury in everything, even when you’re getting down and dirty. But we’re ready to bet you can get the same performance for much cheaper.
7) Bumco Baby Bum Brush
Diaper rash is an awful nuisance for a baby. But don’t you just hate it when your fingers get all sticky when putting cream on your child’s butt?
Well, someone clearly does. Otherwise, the baby bum brush wouldn’t exist
It’s a flexible silicone wand that you can use to smear rash cream on your baby’s butt. But considering that you have to go wash it afterwards anyway, why not just do it by hand?
8) Guide to Cure Depression by Constricting Your Butthole
How about this for a title of a book: “How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?”
This is a 252-page guide, written by Hiroyuki Nishigaki, on how to cure depressing by clenching your butt. According to the book, constricting your anus 100 times in succession every day will fill you with “vigor, happiness, and joy.”
This has to be one of the weirdest books we’ve seen. Oh yeah, and we probably know the answer to that question in its title.