All of these texts are courtesy of Texts From Last Night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest. (Photo)
2I am invisible
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? (Photo)
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos. (Photo)
4Capes are making a comeback
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. (Photo)
5Or are you just glad to see us?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket (Photo)
6Dear Robin, lol
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. (Photo)
7What friends are for
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. (Photo)
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked (Photo)
9This scale goes all the way to "crazy"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (Photo)
10Drugs are bad
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute (Photo)