10 Strangest Obituaries

11/16/2009
by Grace Murano +
Misc
201,640 views
     
DOLARES Aguilar has passed away. This, her obituary, appears in the Times-Herald Napa/Sonoma paper: Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing… There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart.

It's really nice to feel loved. (Source)


Louis Casimir, a retired University English professor, wrote it himself before he passed on. Louis J. Casimir Jr. bought the farm Thursday, Feb. 5, 2004, having lived more than twice as long as he had expected and probably three or four times as long as he deserved. Although he was born into an impecunious family, in a backward and benighted part of the country at the beginning of the Great Depression, he never in his life suffered any real hardships. Many of his childhood friends who weren't killed or maimed in various wars became petty criminals, prostitutes, and/or Republicans. Lou was a daredevil: his last words were “Watch this!” (Source 1 | Source 2 | Source 3)


The final line in the Guardian's obit for Isabella Blow (fashion journalist, born November 19 1958; died May 7 2007) is "She is survived by Detmar [Blow] and a considerable hat collection." (Source)


New York Times obit for Selma Koch, 95, famed brassiere maven: Selma Koch, a Manhattan store owner who earned a national reputation by helping women find the right bra size, mostly through a discerning glance and never with a tape measure, died Thursday at Mount Sinai Medical Center. She was 95 and a 34B. (Source)


Jim Adams, didn't die the way he wanted: which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a date… (Source)


CAT, PETER (THE), whose ninth life ended on 5 November 1964, was a well-known cricket watcher at Lord's, where he spent 12 of his 14 years. He preferred a close-up view of the proceedings and his sleek, black form could often be seen prowling on the field of play when the crowds were biggest. He frequently appeared on the television screen. Mr SC Griffith, Secretary of the MCC, said of him: "He was a cat of great character and loved publicity." (obituary published in Wisden Cricketers' Almanack) (Source)


Can I get the phone number of his widow Pee Wee? (Source)


William Donaldson, who died on June 22 aged 70, was described by Kenneth Tynan as "an old Wykehamist who ended up as a moderately successful Chelsea pimp", which was true, though he was also a failed theatrical impresario, a crack-smoking serial adulterer and a writer of autobiographical novels; but it was under the nom de plume Henry Root that he became best known. (Source)


Count Gottfried von Bismarck, who died on July 2, 2007, aged 44, was a louche German aristocrat with a multi-faceted history as a pleasure-seeking heroin addict, hell-raising alcoholic, flamboyant waster and a reckless and extravagant host of homosexual orgies. When not clad in the lederhosen of his homeland, he cultivated an air of sophisticated complexity by appearing in women's clothes, set off by lipstick and fishnet stockings. Never concealing his homosexuality, von Bismarck continued to appear in public in various eccentric items of attire, including tall hats atop his bald Mekon-like head. At parties he would appear in exotic designer frock coats with matching trousers and emblazoned with enormous logos. Flitting from table to table at fashionable London nightclubs, he was said to be as comfortable among wealthy Eurotrash as he was on formal occasions calling for black tie. (Source)


In a hot tub? (a creepy test, ‘What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com)

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